Hoping to Adopt

I was only planning on doing two parts to this Facebook question, but something interesting happened after I wrote my last post. The birthmom from our second adoption came over to visit. She used to come over a lot, but one day told us that she needed to move on and that she wouldn’t be in contact for a while. We had developed a pretty close relationship, having her visit our home often before the birth as well as after, so we missed seeing her and visiting with her. She needed the time and the space though. She had a new job and a new boyfriend, and she needed to find a way to move on. With our first adoption, we were friends with our birthmom on Facebook. There were a few… [more]

In my last blog post, I talked about how we were glad that we used Facebook to get to know our first birthmom, but we decided not to do so with our second adoption so that we could talk more freely about what was going on. Another big reason for us avoiding Facebook the second time was that Facebook is a breeding ground for drama. We found that out the hard way. The birthfather from our first adoption was completely disinterested about the baby during the pregnancy, but about a month after our little boy was born (once his mother found out), all of a sudden he started to cause a lot of drama and problems. We had become Facebook friends with a lot of the contacts from our birthmother’s home… [more]

To Facebook or not to Facebook? That is the question. Of course, this post is probably only relative to those considering open adoption. I’m not talking about whether or not it’s a good idea to get your name out there via Facebook or not. It’s a great idea. If you’re going with the type of agency that has you waiting for a birthmother to contact you, then you should do everything that you can think of to “market” yourself, and that should probably include Facebook. What I’m talking about is whether or not to be friends with your birthmother, or birthfather, or other people on Facebook. When my wife and I adopted the first time, we tried to keep our identity a secret from the… [more]

One night, back before I met my wife, I was half asleep when my roommate came in and started to get ready for bed. “Turn off the hall light once you’re done, k?” I said with my eyes half open. “What?” he was confused. “The hall light,” I repeated. “Turn off the hall light before you go to bed.” “I can’t understand you, man,” he said. “Before you go to bed, turn off the hall light,” I repeated, a little louder this time. “No, I mean I don’t speak Spanish,” he laughed. “Say it in English.” I didn’t realize I was speaking Spanish. I mean, I obviously know that I speak Spanish, but for some reason my mouth had switched stations on me and didn’t tell my brain. It’s… [more]

In the last ten years and through the completion of three international adoptions, I learned a great deal about adoption financial planning and resources.  I would like to share some of what I learned with you. Here are the three things that you must know before looking for adoption grants: 1.  Application Eligibility Criteria Nearly all adoption grant organizations have some sort of application criteria.  What are eligibility criteria anyway?  Eligibility criterion says who is eligible to apply and who is NOT eligible to apply.  If you are single and applying to an organization that only offers grants to married couples, then you would be wasting your time.  If you are not a Christian and you are applying to an organization that only offers grant… [more]

How much nesting is considered overboard? Most couples when they decide the time is right to have a child get a nine month waiting period.  As adoptive parents, we are constantly bombarded with the more open ended question: when?   It's frustrating enough not knowing how long, let alone friends and family asking all the time. My husband and I have been working with our open adoption agency in New Jersey for a year, and between the oodles of paperwork, parenting courses, and home study, it took us until this August to finally get our profile turned in.  We've been stuck in "limbo" for the past three months waiting for "the call."  I call it "limbo" because to me, it's been the hardest step of… [more]

When my family began our adoption journey more than 10 years ago, we felt called to adopt. It was a great feeling, but we lacked the financial means to reach our goal. I began to do research on the Internet to find ways to help pay for our adoptions. Much to my delight and encouragement, I found that there were adoption grants available that could maybe help us. However, I was discouraged by the lack of detail on these sources. It was extremely frustrating as I kept on running into the same outdated and inaccurate information. This happened over and over again! Because this drove me crazy (and still does!), I decided to do… [more]

With Father’s Day coming up on Sunday, I am reminded of the moment my husband became a father.  Elle was 2 ½ years old and Colby and I had been dating for a couple of months.  We were dating long distance, so the first weekend he came to visit me, he got to meet Elle for the first time. He flew in on a late Friday night flight, and despite the time, Elle was standing next to me at the arrival gate waiting for him to deplane.  Elle and I both held a rose in our hands, mine was red, and hers was pink.  I remember my heart feeling like it was going to pound out of my chest.  I was… [more]

I was diagnosed with skin cancer six weeks ago, and today I am having the cancer surgically removed.  At times, I've given little thought to the mutated cells I have been carrying around, but other days, their existence has weighed heavily on me. This isn't my first bout with cancer.  I was diagnosed with breast cancer 15 years ago, the cancer that precipitated the adoption of my daughters.  My breast cancer was genetic, my skin cancer is not. But, it is days like today that I thank God Elle and Bunny are not my biological daughters.  Everyone has their own unique sets of genes, the blueprint that makes us who we are.  Sometimes the genes are harmless, like whether one is male or female… [more]

I was watching a movie the other day that had a scene filmed in Grand Central Station, an iconic crossroads of New York City.  If you have ever been there, I don’t need to explain how beautiful and chaotic the place is, with the fabric of the human race rushing to and fro, from there to everywhere.  If you have never been there before, take my word when I say it is architectural beauty. It is also the last place I saw my first husband alive.  On the morning of his death, we said goodbye on the steps of the Grand Staircase, never knowing we were saying our last words, having our last kiss. I often think of that day, because central… [more]