Robyn gave a fantastic list of questions to ask potential agencies just yesterday. (Seriously, if you haven't read through the list and printed it, please go check it out.) She hit on one question, about their services, that I thought needs to be expanded upon and given a ranking of Most Important Question to Ask. Here's what I'd ask:

Do you provide post-adoption services to families? What is and is not provided? For how long are these services available to families?

I'm... more

I've seen the question posed on the forums in the past. It's always a different incarnation, a variation on theme but the sentiment is always the same.

We're looking to adopt again. We have an open adoption relationship with our child's birth mother. Would it be inappropriate to ask her to provide us with a letter of reference?

I'll admit, it seems like a good idea at first, doesn't it? But like any situation, there are pros and cons. Let's take a look at both sides of the coin so you can make a better decision.

First,... more

In the beginning, there is research. And part of researching is asking questions - lots and lots of questions. So, what questions do you ask an agency? I can think of a few...

Do you provide international adoptions, domestic adoptions, or both? If you do international adoptions, in which countries? Of those countries, for which are you currently accepting applications? If you do domestic adoptions, do you have specific programs for those adopting children who aren't Caucasian? Children with special needs? Waiting children? Foster... more

A potential adoptive mother who was recently working on the profile that would be presented to mothers considering placement emailed me. Her question was simple and complex all at the same time.

Which pictures should I include in our profile? How many is too many? How many is too few?

While the answer seems like it should be simple, it's not as simple as it seems. I can see where agencies disagree and waiting families get confused. Families who have already been through a successful adoption have anecdotal evidence that... more

Earlier this month I discussed the three main things you can/should learn and question in the aftermath of a failed match. Now I want to bring up some smaller issues that you might consider or you might be forced to consider if a pre-placement match with an expectant mother considering relinquishment falls through the cracks.

1. Are your expectations reasonable?

Which expectations am I referring to? Well, all of them, of course! Do you... more

Most home studies require you to provide character references, or letters of reference. We had to have six, from specific types of people:

Immediate member of wife's family Immediate member of husband's family Relative from husband's or wife's extended family Friend of husband Friend of wife Neighbor or friend

Some social workers or agencies may ask for references from your pastor or someone who attends church with you. It's possible that you might be asked to provide a reference from your manager... more

The question always comes up: Where should I start?

And the answer is always the same: Research, research, research!

I researched adoption for two years. My husband and I were married in 2002. We told each other that we wanted to be married for a year before we talked kids. I told him that I'd be researching adoption agencies the day after our first wedding anniversary. It wasn't quite that marked, but I did start reading in the Summer of 2003. We signed with our agency in May 2005. So, yes, I researched adoption for two years. (And I still didn't know everything... more

Yesterday's post discussed grants and loans for adoption. There are far more available now than there were five years ago. Still, not everyone is going to qualify for those - notice how many of them require you to be Christian, for example.

What else can we do to save money for adoption expenses?

I've gotten some great ideas from Adoptive Families magazine and from online forums and support groups. Some of my favorites are:

Have a mega-garage sale. Ask friends and family members to donate the stuff taking up space in their garages. If you've ever seen... more

I am a child of the 80s. I grew up watching Growing Pains. I remember one episode, in which Ben Seaver needs money to buy his dad a Father's Day present. His older brother, Mike (Kirk Cameron, my sister's teenage heartthrob) handed him a soda can and told him to go door-to-door. So he did. Hilarity, as always, ensued.

We can't really go door-to-door asking people to help us finance our adoptions. However, there are resources for everyday people to help us afford adoption.

Adoption.com offers quite a bit of information... more

In the immediate aftermath of a failed match, you're probably not in an introspective mode, asking questions like, "What have I learned from this experience?" However, as the days turn to weeks and you begin to look to the future once again, I would encourage you to pause for a moment and ask those important questions. While dwelling on the past is never conducive to healing and growth, learning from the past can help us start off on the right foot toward the new version of our future.

So then, what questions should you be asking yourself in the wake of... more