As I shared in my last post, Using an Alias in a Semi-Open Adoption, because of my very unusual first name ("Faith" is a pen name), my husband and I chose to use an alias when I met my son's then-expecting mother. I believed this was the only way to protect our privacy, and that is definitely true if my son's birthmother wanted to track us down. However, I regret having made this decision, and it has resulted in some complications.

Before you decide to do the same... more

The adoption agency through which we adopted our son mostly handles semi-open adoptions for domestic adoptions. For a number of reasons, the agency believes that semi-open adoption is the best option for all members of the adoption triad.

As part of a semi-open adoption, the agency encourages the expecting mother to meet the hopeful adoptive parents before the baby is born. If all parties want to see each other again, such as after the baby is born, then the agency will... more

In my last post, When Should Extended Family Be Told About Adoption?, I talked about delaying telling family members about a pending adoption when you fear that they will not be supportive. I did this with my grandparents because I was determined to adopt and did not want to have to listen to them try to talk me out of it. The upside is that you shorten the amount of time you have to listen to their complaints. The downside is that you lose the opportunity to get... more

I was talking with a friend whose adult child has decided to adopt. The hopeful adoptive parents decided to adopt and even went through the home study process before letting their families know about their plans to adopt. They had already made decisions about the ethnicity of the child and the type of adoption they were seeking. By the time the extended family knew about it, the adoption was well under way.

I can see how the extended family could feel shut out when they find out well into the process that their loved ones plan to adopt a child. I can also... more

On my post, Facing Parenting a Child with a Special Need, a reader left the following comment:

Can anyone suggest an objective criteria for choosing a child and/or birthmother? I should be approved to adopt (open-adoption) in Feb 2008. I'll be a first-time father. Naturally, there is the healthy / problematic-baby choice, and the prenatal care / no prenatal cared-mother choice, but is that the only criteria I should be using? I'm... more

On my post, Negotiating Contact with Birthfamily after Adoption, John posted the following comment:

In older child adoption you get some family tree info buried in the record. If you want contact with the birthfamily you can use the phone to try a 411 call to that name in that city. A thought for families doing infant adoption where it will be closed or almost closed. Ask the birthmother for family tree information, this will give the child... more

On my post, Hoping to Adopt a Cute Child, Chromesthesia posted the following comment:

All babies are cute. I'm looking into Special Needs adoption. I go to do more research on it though. - Chromesthesia

Chromesthesia is wise to do a lot of research before choosing to adopt a child with special needs. Parenting a child with special needs is hard work, and hopeful adoptive parents need to enter into the adoption with their eyes wide... more

One health risk that I have never addressed on this blog is adopting a child with no health history available. On my post, Adoption Regrets: Health Risks on the Adoptive Parenting blog, John left the following comment:

Faith, there is another group of kids, probably unique to older child or international adoption, kids without any medical history. You are signing up for whatever may show up in the future. Its hard to see that as a decison, they are healthy now,... more

On my post, Avoiding Adoption Regrets, a reader posting the following comment:

One question that I have about parents interested in adopting is wondering if they are so much in a 'courtship' phase that they cannot hear what anyone tells them. Does it matter how firm their social worker is asking them questions about what they can and cannot handle? What is it that makes a difference for pre-adoptive parents to help them get into a good space where they can make the best decisions... more

When my husband and I went through the adoption process, we had to sign a paper stating that we understood that our adopted child was not "warranted" to be healthy for the rest of his life. Of course, the terminology used was less blunt, but that was the basic gist. The social worker also talked to us about this issue face-to-face, stating that while the adoption agency was responsible for accurately representing the health of the child at the time of placement, the agency could not guarantee that health issues would not arise later. The social worker even provided an example... more