If your adopted child decides that he wants to search for his birthparents, how will you feel about it? Will you support his decision to search? Or will you try to talk him out of searching? This was a difficult question for me to field when I was going through the home study process. It was hard to think about a conversation that might not even take place for twenty years.

If you choose to have an open... more

How much time will you be able to take off work during and after the adoption? Many people do not think about this issue before they decide to adopt a child, but you will need to take some time off to go through the adoption process and help the child adjust to his new home. It is very difficult to adopt a child without taking at least some time off from work.

Family Medical Leave Act (FMLA)

Under the FMLA, employers with over 50 employees must allow you to take up to 12 weeks off from work to adopt your child. (Not every employer... more

How far are you willing to travel to adopt a child? Some people adopt a child in their own city while others travel across the world to meet their child. Thinking through travel issues is an important part of deciding from where to adopt your child. You will also want to consider the laws in each state and/or country you are considering.

Cost

Traveling to meet your child obviously adds to the cost of adopting your child. There is the cost of the travel itself, but there is also the cost of lost earnings from being away from... more

When you adopt a child, you need to consider how much of a role the birthmother will have in your family. In some cases, this decision might be out of your hands. For example, in most cases, international adoptions are going to be closed adoptions, which means that the birthmother will not have any role in the child’s life, at least while the child is a minor. However, you can adopt a child internationally without having a closed adoption in some situations. See International... more

When you think about adopting a child, what type of child do you have in mind? You do want to adopt a child who is a newborn that looks very much like you? Or would you prefer to adopt a child who is older, living in a foster home or orphanage, and waiting for a forever family? There is no “right” or “wrong” answer to these questions, but you need to be very honest with yourself about the type of child you are looking to adopt.

Types of Decisions re: Child to Adopt

One of the most difficult parts of adopting is having to make so... more

One of the first questions you need to ask yourself is why you want to adopt a child in the first place. While this might seem obvious (you have an empty nest that you want to fill with a child), your motivation to adopt a child can be much more complex than you initially realize.

People have many answers to this question, including –

All of my friends have children, so I want one, too. Having a child will make our marriage better. I am infertile, so I cannot “make” a baby myself. I do not have an heir to inherit... more

While I was writing the Adoption 101 series, I came across a comment posted on the Editor’s blog written by someone who is deciding whether to adopt a child. The reader wanted to learn more about the early stages of decision-making before someone commits to adopting a child. Here is the comment:

Lisa - I wanted to know if you have ever considered starting a blog for people who are hoping to adopt, but maybe have not started the process yet. Kind of a "fact gathering" place... more

Looking back over the adoption process, I wonder how my husband and I managed to make all of the decisions that we did. What is even more amazing is that we managed to make all of these decisions without driving each other crazy! LOL I have gotten better about decision-making in recent years, but back when I was going through the adoption process, I had a hard enough time just deciding what to have for lunch. Being asked to make hundreds of decisions to adopt a child was really difficult for me.

As tedious and... more

One series of decisions you will face is what race(s) you will consider. This can be such an uncomfortable series of questions to discuss. On the one hand, you don’t want to feel like you are being exclusionary in the races you will and will not consider, especially when the questions move into percentages, such as 25% of a particular race. On the other hand, it is very normal and human to want to adopt a child who looks like you.

When a couple becomes pregnant, they “make” a baby who inherits physical characteristics from... more

Once you have selected your agency or facilitator, or you have signed up with the agency responsible for adopting a foster child, you will need to make many decisions about the child you want to adopt. This is where the “fun” begins. You (and your spouse, if you are married) will have to make numerous decisions about the child you are seeking. Do you want to adopt…

A boy or a girl? A newborn, a toddler, or an older child? An African-American, Caucasian, Hispanic, Asian,... more