During my series on Deciding to Adopt a Child, two readers left the following comments:

You know, Faith, the funny thing is that my family (me, my husband and son) get all those attitudes from others i.e. other people telling one of us how lucky my son is that he found a home and how saintly my husband and I are for taking in a poor hapless orphan. Other comments about how they know I'll have my "own" children one day instead of being "forced" to adopt again, and "you're lucky you could afford to adopt... more

When you are considering whether to adopt a child, one factor to consider is how much support you will receive from family and friends. The adoption process is grueling, and you will need to lean on your family and friends as you work your way through the process. Also, when you adopt a child, you need your family and friends to embrace the child as your family. Is this going to be an issue for you?

I put together a Lack of Support in Adoption Series to discuss the issues you might encounter if... more

In this series, I have been discussing issues surrounding lack of support from family and friends when you choose to adopt. Most of what I have been discussing involves the way that your family and friends treat your child. There are other ways that family and friends can fail to show support that do not directly affect the child.

A big issue for me was the people in my life who tried to “comfort” me by offering alternative ways of looking at my situation. I am a person who likes to be in control of my own life.... more

In most cases, family and friends who are unsupportive of adoption are motivated by fear of you being hurt. These people love you dearly, and they believe they see a pitfall that you are not seeing. They try to pressure you to agree with them, not because they want to “control” you but because they truly fear that you will be hurt. This happens not only with adoption but with many life decisions, such as with who you marry, what profession you choose, and any other big decision that will affect the... more

If you refuse to stand up to family and friends who are unsupportive of your decision to adopt, your child will be the one who suffers. Children who are adopted in the best of circumstances will have issues to work through surrounding their adoption. It is natural and human to ask questions like, “Why didn’t my birthmother raise me herself?” When the adoptive parents consistently show the child how much they love him and embrace him as their child in every respect, it is easier for the child to work through these issues and... more

As I mentioned in my last couple of posts, my grandparents were not supportive of our decision to adopt, but when they held my beautiful little baby in their arms for the first time, they embraced him as family. Unfortunately, not all families have this happy ending. See Hate is Not a Family Value for an adoptive mother's frustration with family members who refuse to be supportive of her daughter's adoption a year after... more

What do you do if you have family members or friends who are not supportive of your decision to adopt? This can be really tough. On the one hand, you love your family and friends and really want them to approve of the choices that you make. On the other hand, you already love this child you are hoping to adopt. How do you handle the conflict?

As I mentioned in my last post, I had to deal with this issue with my grandparents. I was surprised and hurt by their reaction to our announcement that we planned... more

When we announced our plans to adopt a baby, most people were very supportive and excited for us. People asked us lots of questions about the adoption process, and I was happy to answer them. I was so excited to be moving toward becoming a parent. However, not every person in my life was supportive of our decision to adopt. My grandparents had serious reservations about our decision and even tried to talk us out of it, even going as far as saying that perhaps it was God’s will for me to never be a mother. Boy,... more

You cannot go through life without making decisions that others will not agree with. It is not possible to please all of the people all of the time. For some decisions, the fallout might not matter that much. When it comes to adopting, the way you handle the situation is CRUCIAL to the well-being of your child. If you want your child to be okay with his adoption, then you need to model that you are okay with it and that you will not tolerate others NOT being okay with it in your child’s presence.

You... more

One issue that some hopeful adoptive parents run into is a lack of support for their decision to adopt. This lack of support can come from their family, their friends, their coworkers, or anyone else who is important in the couple’s life. Some couples can see this lack of support coming, while others are blindsided by the things that their loved ones say to them about adoption. This lack of support can be very distressing to a couple who is just starting the adoption process. It can be even... more