8. Use humor.

I have found humor to be an invaluable tool for dismantling awkward or uncomfortable situations. When a buttinsky is digging her claws into your life, sometimes the easiest way to get out of the situation is by using humor. For example, if somebody asks me why I don’t have more than one child, I will often respond, “Believe me, one is enough!” If the person pursues the issue and tells me how terrible my son’s childhood will be by not having a sibling, I might say, “It’s... more

#5 -- Prepare a script in advance.

Meddlers can certainly catch you off guard, but there are some nosy questions and comments that you can anticipate. Prepare a script so that you will be ready when those questions come.

A big one for me is the comment that I should have another baby so my kid won’t be an only child. Script #1 is, “Believe me, one is enough!” with a big smile on my face. (My son is very active. If he is around, this reply is usually enough to stop the meddling.) If... more

#6 -- Look Past the Comment and Into the Heart

Many meddlers are simply nosy, but sometimes the people who ask the nosy questions are the ones who really do care about us but are simply ignorant. Whenever somebody asks or says something that I find intrusive, I try to step back and determine the motivation behind the question or statement.

I have been told some pretty upsetting things by well-meaning people. For example, when I was in the midst of “Infertility Hades,” someone said that perhaps God does... more

#3 -- Give up the guilt.

When it comes to making decisions about growing your family, guilt is a useless emotion. Meddlers love to throw a little guilt into the mix to get you to do what they think you need to do. Don’t give them that power. Only you have the power to make yourself feel guilty.

I have had people try to guilt me into adding another child to my family. I have been told that my son will be spoiled, that he will be lonely, that he will never learn to share, and other... more

Unfortunately, meddlers are a part of life. You need to develop a plan of defense so that their nosy comments will not catch you off guard.

Here is my Top Ten list for dealing with meddlers:

Build confidence in your own choices. Stop caring what other people think. Give up the guilt. Decide... more

The first topic we will discuss arises from this question, which was submitted by a reader:

How do you deal with annoying comments like "Why not just have another [child] of your own [rather than adopt]?" and, "Are you sure you'll love them all [bio and adopted children] the same?"

If you have ever deviated from society’s “norm” in any respect, you have probably fielded comments from a buttinsky. There is just no pleasing some people. They believe that... more

As much as we like to say things like, adoption is a very individual decision, or adoption is a wonderful way to grow a family, or even, adoption is a good thing, there are those people who won't agree with us.

I'm not talking about the anti-adoption movement. No. I'm talking about our nearest and dearest, our friends and our family. Like it or not, their attitudes, both spoken and inferred, often have great impact on what we do. That includes our plans for adoption.

I'll give you an example. When we adopted Little J we got almost nothing but positive support... more