If you were abused as a child but have never sought therapy, I strongly urge you to consider entering into therapy during the adoption home study, if not before. Even abuse that happened “just one time” can cause serious aftereffects: Just that one incident of abuse is enough to steal a child’s innocence and shatter her trust. Be sure to find a qualified therapist with experience in working with people who suffered the type of abuse that you did. Your therapist can become your strongest ally during the adoption... more

As part of the adoption home study process, the social worker will likely ask you to come alone to one meeting. (Most meetings will be as a couple.) This will be the meeting where you discuss your childhood, so it will likely be the meeting during the adoption home study process in wich you will be asked about the childhood abuse.

Here are some of the questions that I was asked. Prepare yourself ahead of time for these questions so that they do not blindside you:

If you were abused as a child, then you will likely be asked to discuss your history with the social worker during your adoption home study. The best way to get through this is to prepare yourself as much as possible before that meeting in your adoption home study. How can you do this?

Talk to your Therapist

Schedule a meeting with your therapist to talk about the home study before you have your one-on-one session with the social worker. Your therapist can provide you with strategies to get... more

In my last two posts, I shared my own personal experiences in discussing my history of being abused as a child in two adoption home studies:

I shared my adoption home study stories so that you... more

In my last post, I shared my experiences about discussing my painful childhood in my first adoption home study. In this post, I will talk about my significantly more painful second adoption home study.

People who were abused as children often have painful memories and emotions triggered when their children reach the age that they were when they were abused. This happened to me. I had always remembered the “lesser abuses”... more

In my last post, in which I introduced this series for abuse survivors who are hoping to adopt, I promised to share some of my story so that my readers will know that I understand how hard it is to talk about a history of abuse with a social worker during an adoption home study. I hope that reading about my experience will give you the courage to move forward with your own adoption home study. As painful as it is to talk about... more

When I was visiting the adoption forums, I saw a thread written by a woman who had been sexually abused as a child and was now hoping to adopt a child. As part of her home study, the social worker was requiring her to see a therapist. She viewed this requirement as treating her like the criminal. She was not responsible for what had been done to her as a child, and now her ability to adopt a child was being affected. Her post was about the unfairness of it all.

As... more

From How to Prepare for a Home Study:

10. Relax

Believe it or not, this step is probably the hardest one of all. Your life is about to be scrutinized from the past to the present and even into the future (when considering how you will feel if your 21-year-old child chooses to search for his birthfamily). The social worker has the “power” to deny you the ability to adopt a child through this agency.... more

From How to Prepare for a Home Study:

9. Prepare to talk about your childhood.

When we went through our home study process, my husband and I each had to meet separately for one meeting with the social worker to discuss our childhoods. For my husband, it was a piece of cake: His childhood was uneventful for the most part. For me, having grown up in an abusive environment, the experience was... more

From How to Prepare for a Home Study:

8. Brainstorm issues that could raise concerns (and brainstorm solutions).

Most of us have not led lives like Ward and June Cleaver. If we examine our lives, we can identify areas and experiences that might raise a red flag for a social worker who is evaluating our ability to parent. Red flags do not necessarily mean that we will be declined as adoptive... more