In Jenna’s gem of a post entitled Faith and Adoption: Why Do Christian Girls End Up Pregnant?, she explores her conflicting feelings that arose out of being a birthmother. On the one hand, she is sometimes embarrassed about having been “pregnant out of wedlock.” On the other hand, if she had not gone through this experience, her “munchkin” [birthchild] would not exist, and she clearly loves her “munchkin”... more

As I was researching related posts for my Emotions of Adoption Series, I discovered that the members of the adoption triad have much more in common than we might realize. (For those of you who are unfamiliar with the search feature on this site, you can search for key words or phrases in all blogs on this site by using the search engine located on the right side of the window.) Whenever I searched for posts that included any emotion,... more

No discussion of the emotions of adoption is complete without discussing joy. My most joyful life events have arisen out of the adoption process. My only other life event that even comes close is my wedding day.

The experience of being matched with my son’s then-placing mother was one of the most joyful experiences of my life. Part of what made it so powerful was the stark contrast with how I had been feeling the weeks before we were matched.

I had sunk into a depression. We had been waiting... more

As I have been working through the Emotions of Adoption series, I have been focusing on the negative and painful emotions experienced by hopeful adoptive parents. One reason I chose to write this series when I did is because I knew that many of my readers were in pain as Mother’s Day approached. Now that Mother’s Day has passed, let’s turn our focus to the positive emotions in adoption for hopeful adoptive parents. One of those positive emotions... more

My journey to becoming a mother deepened my faith in many ways. As difficult as the process was, I held onto the hope that I would know the joys of motherhood one day. During this time in my life, I questioned many aspects of my faith and came out of this experience with an even deeper faith. This experience was extremely helpful to me in later years, when I went through another very challenging time in my life. I was able to remember God’s faithfulness during my journey to motherhood and trust that He would be faithful... more

We live in a microwave society. We expect everything to happen NOW. We get impatient when we have to wait for the TV listings to scroll on the TV channel. We lose patience while waiting for a web page to load – after all, ten seconds feels like forever while looking at a blank screen. We have 24-hour news and access to just about anything we could possibly want to know through the Internet. Learning how to wait is a real challenge in our society.

Many people say they want to learn how to be patient, but they don’t want... more

While we were waiting to be matched, I wanted constant updates about our “status.” I wanted to know that a placing mother would be looking at our profile and would be choosing us soon. It took a lot of restraint for me to limit my calls to once a month for a status check. I wanted to be the “squeaky wheel” without driving the social worker crazy.

The social worker was usually vague about status updates. There were always “a few” placing mothers early in the process. She purposely did not tell us when a placing mother... more

I cannot stress strongly enough the importance of grieving your losses in adoption. There is a lot to grieve as a hopeful adoptive parent. If you come to the adoption process through infertility, you need to grieve the loss of the child who would have had your nose and your husband’s eyes. You also need to grieve experiencing pregnancy – an experience that most women have. Adoption cures childlessness, NOT infertility. All of these losses need to be grieved.

There are other areas of adoption to grieve that are more subtle.... more

When you are going through the adoption process, you have very little control over the factors involved. In many cases, either the placing mother or a facilitator chooses who will become your child. You have no control over which child you adopt or when you will adopt. You have no control over the cost. For those of you who chose adoption after struggling with infertility, you also have no control over your own body to “make” a baby. That’s hard, particularly for “control freaks” like me. Lack of control can lead you to feel despair,... more

As you wait to adopt your child, you might find yourself struggling with anger. Some people will tell you that it is not okay for you to feel angry. However, whether or not you “should” feel it, your reality is that anger bubbles up sometimes, and that’s okay.

There is a lot to be angry about when you are waiting to adopt. While you might direct your anger in many directions, the real culprit that is causing your anger is life itself. Life can be unfair. If you are infertile, life has denied you the fundamental... more