As Mother’s Day approaches, your emotions will likely be all over the map. One day, you might feel okay. The next you might feel angry. Then you might feel hopeless, out of control, or sad. You might feel different emotions on different days, or you might feel several emotions at one time. All of this is normal. The most important thing to remember is that it is okay to feel whatever you are feeling. Express and honor your feelings in safe (non-destructive) ways, and they will pass faster.

Emotions are meant... more

When we were going through our home study, the social worker told us that adoption involves grief for all members of the adoption triad. I did not want to hear this, and I did not believe it. I could understand how the birthmother could grieve the loss of her birthchild, but I could not understand how I or the child could possibly experience grief. We would have each other, and there would be nothing to grieve. I now realize just how wrong I was.

The birthmother’s grief is obvious. Her baby... more

Birthdays were always difficult for me while I was waiting to become a parent. Each year, my birthday wish was to hold my baby in my arms on my next birthday. For several years, that birthday wish was not granted. Each birthday felt like it was mocking me as another year of my life came and went with no baby in sight. My 30th birthday was especially hard. I never imagined that my family would start that late in my life.

Anniversaries were tough, too. We had a five-year plan, which meant that... more

For those of you who are adopting after infertility, have you actively grieved the loss of your fertility? I used to believe that this was not necessary because I became a mother through adoption. I have learned that becoming a mother is not the same thing as overcoming infertility. Adoption cures childlessness, NOT infertility.

Alison Kathleen Whitney wrote the best description of infertility that I have ever read in a story entitled A... more

"It seemed the easiest thing to put the blame on. I particularly recall one occasion when I resented doing chores my sister Robin was excused from because she had allergies. I yelled at my parents ""You're making me do this because I was adopted"", although I knew this wasn't the case" ...Jamie, age 24, when speaking of her adoption in the book Growing Up Adopted, by Maxine B. Rosenberg

This is yet another subject of concern, and worthy of merit for a hopeful adoptive family to consider.

Part of a successful adoption is making sure that your... more

In the book Growing Up Adopted, by Maxine B. Rosenberg, we now see Shakine, a 13 year old boy, discussing his emotions regarding adoption.

Per Shakine: "I don't remember when I was adopted. It's something I don't ask many questions about, nor do I spend much time thinking about it. On a scale of one to ten, with ten as highest, adoption's on my mind at around one or two."

Now, compared to Chris in my previous post, Shakine, who is physically handicapped, and came from a foster care situation before his adoption, doesn't seem to put much emotion... more

In the book Growing Up Adopted, by Maxine B. Rosenberg, we see Chris, a 36 year old woman, discussing her emotions regarding adoption.

Per Chris: "I liked being adopted because it made me stand out. While most kids don't want to be different-they want to wear the same clothes as their friends, eat the same food for lunch-I enjoyed being the unusual one. Even today, adoption makes me feel unique in a positive way."

Chris' remarks about adoption seem to be pretty unique. This could very well stem from Chris' parents being positive with her about... more

This is a series of posts discussing what a lot of hopeful adoptive parents don't consider, at least not at first...The Emotions of Adoption.

Any post with the icon I've made means that this is a continuation, and of course, the title will mention this as well.

I am taking a lot of the discussion ideas from a book that you should be reading, if you have not already, called "Growing Up Adopted" by Maxine B. Rosenberg.

This book is a collection of stories... more

My husband and I just found out that we were NOT selected for the sibling group we were SO hoping we'd get matched with...the one we mentioned in a prior post that actually SAID he wanted us to adopt him.

I will never know the reason why, and it just KILLS me wondering what the chosen family had, knew, etc better than me.

As a hopeful adoptive parent, this is the worst thing you can hear. It's not like looking at Adopt US Kids and the child you've been dreaming of before you're ready to start the process gets matched.

This is real. The chance was real. The... more