Today is the most dreaded day of the year for hopeful adoptive mothers everywhere – Mother’s Day. Please know that you are not alone and that I have you in my thoughts and prayers today. (Birthmothers and placing mothers – You are in my thoughts and prayers today, too.) This day will pass. You might feel absolutely miserable right now as you are reading this post, but this day is going to end. When you wake up tomorrow, this day will be behind you and will not drop another emotional “bomb” on your life for... more

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10. Lean on your faith.

When you are in pain is the perfect time to lean on your faith. Faith helps you to see a bigger picture and to find value and purpose in your struggles. I do not believe that God “causes” the painful things that happen in our lives. (I definitely do not believe that I was “divinely sterilized” for some greater... more

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9. Spend quality time with your spouse.

Infertility and the adoption process can take a toll on a marriage. Spending time nurturing your relationship with your spouse is very important as you wait for your child to join your family. Parenting is hard work, so the stronger the foundation is for your marriage, the stronger... more

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8. Confide in a good friend that you are struggling.

Unfortunately, not every person in your life is going to be perceptive. If you hold your feelings too close to the vest, then some of the people in your life might not realize just how badly you are hurting. Opening up to one or two close friends can bring you the comfort... more

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7. Plan activities that you enjoy.

Now is a great time to do something fun for yourself. Whenever you go through a painful phase of your life, it is easy to forget that life is supposed to have joy in it. We slip into a mindset of “I will be happy when…” and forget that the only time we have is now.... more

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6. Brainstorm coping strategies for when you are blindsided.

Now is the time to brainstorm coping strategies – before you are blindsided with the pain of Mother’s Day. When the pain of your infertility and/or unmet need to parent is triggered, you do not have time to think about the best way to respond;... more

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5. Set aside time to grieve.

No matter what you do, your heart is going to be heavy around Mother’s Day. There is simply no way to get around this. While the rest of the world is celebrating the joys of motherhood, your arms remain empty. Being denied motherhood when you desperately want to become a mother is painful enough. Having the... more

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4. Give yourself permission to feel whatever you feel.

Unfortunately, Western society is not very supportive of expressing painful emotions. It is okay to express happiness and sometimes okay to express anger, but expressing sadness is not encouraged. As the saying goes, “Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry, and you cry... more

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3. Make plans for Mother’s Day that take you away from the hoopla.

If you and your spouse have been thinking about taking a trip, Mother’s Day weekend is the perfect time to do it. May is warm enough to enjoy outdoor activities in many places, and the change of location can get you away from the Mother’s... more

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2. Focus on honoring your mother or mother figure.

To the extent you can, try to take the focus off of your empty arms and, instead, focus on honoring your mother and/or mother-in-law. This is going to be harder for those of you who experience a double-whammy of having a painful relationship with your own mother or mother-in-law,... more