People who decide to adopt after infertility have issues to work through that are not experienced by those who never tried to conceive a biological child. While adoption cures childlessness, it does not cure infertility. Many couples who decide to adopt after infertility are not aware of this very important distinction, and they can be blindsided by the pain of their infertility even after they become parents through adoption.

No matter how wonderful your adopted child will be, he is not a replacement for the biological child about which you dreamed.... more

After months or years of trying for a child and struggling with infertility, you may have come to the conclusion that adoption may be the best way to fulfill your dreams of parenthood. Having been through so much all ready, you need to prepare yourself for the journey ahead of you and have realistic expectations of what the process will entail.

Steps:

1. Ask yourself if you are ready to adopt.

While it is normal to have some feelings of disappointment and loss when coming to terms with infertility, you want to be able to move forward in a positive and constructive manner when starting the adoption process. It may be difficult to focus 100% of... more

I wrote about this a while back in my Adopting from Russia blog, but I think it's worth a repeat. This is a really common thing that very well-meaning friends and acquaintances might say to you once you've made the decision to adopt. It certainly happened to me!

"Just watch - once you start the adoption process, you'll get pregnant!" This, from a friend of a friend who I'd run into in the grocery store and had just told about our plans for adoption.

"I hope not!" I said, meaning it. I'd already been pregnant five times in the past year and a half, accompanied... more

Here's a question for all of you out there in blog-reading land: why is it so offensive and sensitive to suggest to infertile people that they consider adoption?

I have never understood this, and I'm not trying to be offensive when I ask this question, merely honest. I want to know. This is probably a good place to ask this question because if you're here then you're at least considering adoption. It's not like this is an infertility board (although we do discuss the topic). So hopefully whoever is reading this is past the point of being offended. I hope.

Yesterday I was reading a series of posts on a non-adoption related message board in which people were discussing single... more

People used to say that to me all the time when my husband and I decided to end our quest to have a biological child and instead, started making plans to adopt.

Here's what I used to say:

"That's not going to happen. After 5 miscarriages I don't want to be pregnant ever again." People always used to wince at that, especially those who didn't know my history (and probably had no business making any kind of fertility related comment to me).

Here's what I was thinking:

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Yeah, right. As if I even want to be pregnant! I've been pregnant, trying... more

Many people, if not most, come to adoption as a way to grow their family after trying to conceive a biological child and failing. I know there are people out there who don't fit this mold, but I think it's a reasonable assumption that many do.

Some people start thinking about adoption early on in their venture into the realm of fertility treatments. For some people it's the very last resort. In my family, we had one of each. After my first miscarriage I started thinking about adoption but it wasn't until after my last miscarriage (mc #5) that my husband started thinking about it.

But... more

One of the most common misconceptions, or stereotypes, of adoptive parents is that they could not have a child of their own.

If you are one of those that cannot have your own...you know how it feels to hear people keep saying "but I've had 8 miscarriages, and then had 3 children...you should keep trying!".

Although we know that their comments, most generally, are well intentioned...who REALLY wants to go through 8 miscarriages?

I've had 2 diagnosed, but I suspect I've had 5 (3 other times I've had the symptoms of miscarriage following late cycles). They're... more