From Newborn Adoption: The First Week:

3. Prepare yourself for limited hospital information.

One frustration of mine during my son’s first few days of life was the limited amount of information that I received from the hospital. I later talked to several “new mother” friends about their experiences while staying in the hospital. The nurses talked to them about numerous issues, including feeding the baby,... more

From Newborn Adoption: The First Week:

2. Coordinate consistent feedings.

A newborn baby’s digestive system can be a delicate thing, so you want to keep the feedings as consistent as possible. Unfortunately, feeding an adopted baby exclusively with breast milk is not an option for most adoptive parents, so you will want to choose the best formula for your baby.

A good place to start is to find... more

From Newborn Adoption: The First Week:

1. Provide the baby with lots of time to rest.

When a woman gives birth to a baby, she is physically exhausted. She has not slept very well in weeks because she has to use the bathroom every couple of hours throughout the night. Then, she goes through labor and delivery, which is quite an ordeal on a woman physically. So, after the baby is born, she is tired... more

The first week of parenting a newborn baby is a bizarre mixture of excitement, stress, and sheer exhaustion for most parents, whether biological or adoptive. While many aspects of the first week are the same for all new parents, there are some differences when a baby joins your family through adoption. This series is to discuss those differences.

One big difference is that, in many states, you will not yet know if this baby will be your forever child. In many states, even though a... more

If you are hoping to adopt a child who has been abused, you have an adventure ahead of you. You are choosing to adopt a broken child and provide him with the love and kindness that he needs to melt the ice inside and heal from his emotional wounds. Many children will blossom in the warmth of your love; some will not.

If the child chooses not to heal, don’t blame yourself. This is in response to the harm that was inflicted upon him by evil people. Some children are simply not brave enough to risk... more

When a child has lived in a dysfunctional environment, he has adapted to that environment. Living in a healthy family is VERY different. While a functional family is (obviously) better, it is still the “unknown,” and it is scary. The child needs your help to acclimate to his new environment. You can help him by stating your expectations very clearly and by staying patient as he adjusts to a healthy environment.

Abused children have so much that they have to relearn (or learn for the first time). They might... more

A big issue for an abused child is the inability to feel safe. When you have been awakened hundreds of times in the middle of the night to be harmed, it is hard to feel safe sleeping at night, even when you are now living in a safe place. The child’s brain has been conditioned to be “on alert” at night to listen for the door opening, signaling the next abusive experience. It takes a very long time for an abused child to let down his guard.

An abused child is going to test you over and over again... more

A very important thing to know before adopting an abused child is that eye contact is a particularly powerful way of connecting with a child. There is a reason that the eyes are considered the “window to the soul.” Making eye contact reaches into a deep place that many abuse survivors are afraid to go.

Many abuse survivors make great eye contact when they are talking about unimportant things. However, if the conversation turns to anything that could reveal their true feelings or reveal something about themselves, they... more

One of the most frustrating aspects of adopting an abused child is when the child does not attach to you. I know some adoptive parents who have showered a child with love, but the child refused to receive that love. The parents are baffled why the child continues to reject them, even though they have only shown the child love and kindness. This post is to help you understand the mind of the abused child in this situation. This post also serves as a warning that this could happen to you and as reassurance that, if... more

From Top Ten List: Adopting an Abused Child...

10. Puberty can trigger very painful emotions for an abused child.

If you adopt a child who was abused, be prepared for puberty to dredge up painful emotions. I don’t know why this happens. Perhaps it ties into the hormones that the body has surging through it. For sexual abuse survivors, perhaps puberty drives home the... more