From Top Ten List: Adopting an Abused Child...

9. Abuse experienced by a pre-verbal child affects the child.

I am always baffled to hear how some people believe that things that happen to a very young child do not affect him. All you have to do is look at a child with reactive attachment disorder (RAD) to know that this is not true. A child develops RAD when he fails to attach... more

From Top Ten List: Adopting an Abused Child...

8. Repressed memories are not the same thing as “forgotten” experiences.

Many people are perplexed by repressed memories. There was so much hoopla in the 1980’s when everyone and his brother was recovering repressed memories, and then the 1990’s brought a distrust of repressed memories, blaming unethical therapists for... more

From Top Ten List: Adopting an Abused Child...

7. You can help soothe an abused child through flashbacks.

When an abuse survivor experiences a flashback, he is living in a dual reality. A part of his brain is aware that he is in his bed safe in his room. The other part of his brain is reliving the trauma and all of the associated fear and pain. If your child will... more

From Top Ten List: Adopting an Abused Child...

6. Your abused child needs your help in identifying and dismantling triggers.

A trigger is anything that can cause an abuse survivor to have a flashback. Most people think of flashbacks as visual experiences, and they can be experienced that way – as vivid memories. However, flashbacks can also be experienced as auditory... more

From Top Ten List: Adopting an Abused Child...

5. Your abused child needs you to hear his story in his own time.

A foundational principal of psychotherapy is that you need to talk about your issues until you no longer feel the need to talk about them anymore. This is why “talk therapy” is so successful. Talking about the issues helps you to face and dismantle... more

From Top Ten List: Adopting an Abused Child...

4. Doing well in school does not mean that there are no emotional issues from an abusive past.

Survivors of abuse tend to do things in extremes. Society has gotten better about “red flagging” children who react to the abuse by acting out in ways such as doing drugs, binge drinking, or becoming promiscuous. However, the children... more

From Top Ten List: Adopting an Abused Child...

3. When an abused child rejects you, he is really rejecting himself.

There are three aftereffects of childhood abuse that are shared by virtually every abuse survivor: self-loathing, inability to trust, and shame. These feelings cause the child to reject himself. When you, as an adoptive parent, tell the child that you love... more

From Top Ten List: Adopting an Abused Child...

2. Just because you are trustworthy does not mean that an abused child will choose to trust you.

When a child has been abused, particularly by his birthparents, his trust has been shattered. This is much more than just broken trust. If broken trust is ripping a piece of paper in two, shattered trust is like running the... more

From Top Ten List: Adopting an Abused Child...

1. No matter how much you love an abused child, he must choose to receive that love in order to heal.

When many hopeful adoptive parents decide to adopt a child who has been abused, they believe that they can love the child enough to heal the emotional wounds. This is a myth, which many adoptive parents... more

In honor of April being Child Abuse Awareness Month, I have put together this series on adopting an abused child. Child abuse is an epidemic in Western society. According to the All About Counseling website, roughly 1 in 3 girls and 1 in 5 to 7 boys are sexually abused. These are just the statistics for sexual abuse. Factor in the number of children who endure physical abuse,... more