As I shared in my last post, Using an Alias in a Semi-Open Adoption, because of my very unusual first name ("Faith" is a pen name), my husband and I chose to use an alias when I met my son's then-expecting mother. I believed this was the only way to protect our privacy, and that is definitely true if my son's birthmother wanted to track us down. However, I regret having made this decision, and it has resulted in some complications.

Before you decide to do the same... more

The adoption agency through which we adopted our son mostly handles semi-open adoptions for domestic adoptions. For a number of reasons, the agency believes that semi-open adoption is the best option for all members of the adoption triad.

As part of a semi-open adoption, the agency encourages the expecting mother to meet the hopeful adoptive parents before the baby is born. If all parties want to see each other again, such as after the baby is born, then the agency will... more

On my post, Negotiating Contact with Birthfamily after Adoption, John posted the following comment:

In older child adoption you get some family tree info buried in the record. If you want contact with the birthfamily you can use the phone to try a 411 call to that name in that city. A thought for families doing infant adoption where it will be closed or almost closed. Ask the birthmother for family tree information, this will give the child... more

When you adopt a child, you need to consider how much of a role the birthmother will have in your family. In some cases, this decision might be out of your hands. For example, in most cases, international adoptions are going to be closed adoptions, which means that the birthmother will not have any role in the child’s life, at least while the child is a minor. However, you can adopt a child internationally without having a closed adoption in some situations. See International... more

Over the last three blogs, I have tried to give an honest assessment of the pros and cons of closed, semi-open, and fully open adoptions based upon the numerous stories I have heard from all members of the adoption triad. I have heard stories about very successful fully open adoptions in which the birthmother and adoptive mother have become the best of friends. I have heard disturbing fully open adoption stories in which boundaries were not respected by one or both parties. I have heard stories of adoptions being... more

In a fully open adoption, the birthparents and adoptive parents exchange identifying information. Beyond this, it is up to the parties involved to determine how much interaction there is. In some open adoptions, there is no further contact, only the ability to contact each other if either party chooses to do so. In other open adoptions, there is an ongoing relationship between the parties.

Pros

The adoptive family receives a medical history and information about... more

In a semi-open adoption, the adoptive family and birthfamily learn information about each other, but no identifying information is disclosed. The parties might meet face to face. The birthmother chooses the adoptive parents. The parties might agree to limited contact after the adoption, such as through sending pictures, letter, cards, and/or presents. The contact might be one-way (adoptive parents sending information) or both ways.

Pros

The adoptive family receives... more

As we continue this series on open adoption, we will focus on the varying levels of openness and the pros and cons for each member of the adoption triad. We will start with closed adoption and work our way through the continuum.

In a closed adoption, there is no contact whatsoever between the birthmother and adoptive family. Closed adoptions were the norm for a very long time, so the general public tends to expect adoptions to be closed.

I want to add my disclaimer again – This list is assuming... more

Unfortunately, any discussion about open adoption needs to include a conversation about fulfilling your promises to the members of the adoption triad. I say “unfortunately” because, in a perfect world, people would not need to be told that it is wrong to make promises and then refuse to follow through after the adoption is finalized. Doing this is fraudulent, and yet there are adoptive parents out there who do this.

I have heard stories about adoptive parents failing to send pictures and letters after the... more

10. The birthmother might not respect my boundaries.

Not all open adoptions run smoothly. While I know several adoptive families with very successful open adoptions, I have heard of some situations that did not work out very well. The underlying issue in those situations was a failure to respect boundaries. In some situations, the birthmother overstepped the adoptive parents’ boundaries, such as treating them like the babysitters in front of the child. In other situations, the birthmother committed to doing... more