In my last post, Adoption: Does Reluctant Spouse = Reluctant Husband?, I talked about how most spouses who are reluctant to adopt tend to be husbands. However, I also pointed out that many reluctant wives never agree to adopt in the first place, which skews the ranks of the reluctant spouses, making it appear that men are more likely to be reluctant about adopting than women.

Why are some women reluctant to adopt? Some have not yet grieved the loss of experiencing... more

When couples decide to adopt, there is often one spouse who is gung ho about adopting while the other is less excited about the prospect. Of course, there are exceptions, but frequently one person is much more eager to adopt than his or her spouse.

When we talk about this phenomenon online, we often talk about the "reluctant spouse." However, with most of the adoptive and hopeful adoptive couples that I know, we are really talking about a reluctant husband. I know many adoptive mothers, and every single one of them wanted to adopt. Some of the... more

When deciding whether to adopt a child, are you and your spouse on the same page? If your answer is no, you are not alone. My favorite adoption author, Jill Smolowe, wrote a fabulous article on this topic called The Reluctant Spouse, in which she explains the many reasons why couples often fail to agree on whether to adopt a child. Her writings helped me to feel less alone when my husband and I were in very different places regarding adoption.

On a scale of 1 to 10, how... more

Here's something for me to be thankful for: that the door to adopting a third child has not been irrevocably closed to me.

I am thankful I have a reluctant spouse!

Because even though it's going to be years yet before we get bunde of joy #3, hope springs eternal for me that it will still happen. The crack is still in the door. The possibility is still there.

Operation get-a-girl is still underway.

Here was my plan of action:

1. Get a job so my husband's options... more

This weekend my lovely husband and I went on a little trip all by ourselves. He had a photo show in the mountains and for the past three years I've gone with him for his October show. My parents watch the kids. Since we didn't get a chance to get away for our anniversary this was the first time all year we'd been away together.

Two strange things happened. The first was that I really missed my kids! Most of you will not find that strange at all, but the fact is that since Little J came into our lives with all his intensity and ADHD behaviors there... more