On my post, Sliding Scale for Adoption Based Upon Adopted Child's Race, a reader posted the following comment:

Somewhat off topic, but is it weird that I am annoyed with these agency websites I am looking at referring to an expectant mother as a birthmother? – Chromesthesia at Sliding Scale for Adoption Based Upon Adopted Child's Race

I... more

My next several posts will be an Adoption 101 series. I am writing these posts for people who are just starting out the adoption process. Those of us who have been part of the adoption world for a while can forget that we did not always know what to call an adopted child’s biological parents or what a home study is. This series will also be helpful for friends and family of those who are adopting.

It is hard to follow any discussion if you are not familiar with the basic terminology, so I will begin... more

In the last blog, we talked about a reader’s question concerning what to call her relationship with her child’s birthmother in an open adoption. This sparked a question about my own situation, which I would love to hear from you about.

I am not sure what my son should call his birthmother. Whenever I talked about her when he was younger, I would refer to her as “your birthmother.” When Nicholas was around four years old, this terminology confused him. He wondered about his “other mother” and seemed confused about... more

The following question was submitted by a reader during the Positive Adoption Language series:

Adoption forges relationships that have no names yet. For example, my DD's birthmom and I have yet to come up with a term that adequately describes our relationship...

"daughter's birthmother" -- While accurate, this term doesn't encompass MY relationship with [her]. ... more

“Was Adopted” versus “Is Adopted”

This distinction is one of my soapbox issues. Most people do not understand why it would possibly matter if they said that my son “is” adopted versus “was” adopted, but it makes a HUGE difference to me.

My son WAS adopted. This is how he joined our family. Some children were birthed into a family. Some arrived through C-section. My child joined our family through adoption. If my friend’s child is not known as her C-section kid, then I don’t... more

“Child With Special Needs” versus “Handicapped Child”

The word “handicapped” means disabled or a burden. Just because a child has a special need does not mean that he is a “burden” to his family or to society in general. Also, people often associate the term “handicapped” with a physical disability.

“Special needs” is an umbrella term that encompasses a wide range of possible issues that a child might face. For example, a child who was traumatized might suffer from... more

“Court Termination” versus “Child Taken Away”

Parental rights can be terminated for a variety of reasons. Sometimes they are voluntarily terminated, such as when the birthparents make an adoption plan and sign relinquishment papers. Other times, parental rights are involuntarily terminated by a judge through the court system.

There are many reasons why a court might terminate parental rights. An obvious reason for terminating parental rights is if the birthparents have neglected or abused... more

“Child Placed for Adoption” versus “An Unwanted Child”

Let me assure you – children who are placed for adoption are WANTED! Whether the child is a newborn baby born domestically, a toddler in another country, or a teenager in the foster care system, the adoptive parents WANTED their child. Adoptive parents jump through a lot of hoops to be approved to adopt. No sane person would choose to go through the adoption process unless she really WANTED to adopt a child.

A child placed for adoption should... more

“Adoption Triad” versus “Adoption Triangle”

A triad is “a group of three, [especially] of three closely related persons or things” (from dictionary.com). The birthparents, the adoptive parents, and the child are a group of three closely related persons, so the term “adoption triad” accurately describes the relationship of those involved in the adoption process.

A triangle is used in “a situation involving three persons, [especially] one in which two of them are in love with the... more

“Parent” versus “Adoptive Parent”

Unless the term “adoptive parent” is necessary for clarification (such as when you are talking about members of the adoption triad), “parent” is the appropriate title to use for an adoptive parent. I am my son’s mother. I should not be introduced to his friends as his “adoptive mother.” The fact that I became his mother through adoption is irrelevant in the context of his day-to-day life.

The media is notorious for qualifying relationships as adoptive... more