My son was born in a different state from where hub and I lived. In the state where my son was born, the placing mother has 10 days after she signs relinquishment papers to choose to parent. So, during those 10 days, we were (obviously) required to stay in the state of the baby's birth.

Babies need to have a well visit with the pediatrician when they are seven days old. I clearly could not take my son to the person I had selected to be his pediatrician. Also, I could not take him to a pediatrician in my home state, where my health insurance would... more

On my post, Putative Father Registries, long-time reader John posted the following comment:

The father should have a right to know of the birth of his child, but this state seems to fit with the idea that some states have the babies are the exclusive property of the mother. Certainly that was the thinking years ago, and oddly it fits well with the argument that abortion is purely a womans choice, she is the only affected person.

This... more

On my post, Putative Father Registries, I shared a story about one of my readers who did not find out about his birthdaughter's existence until she was 13 years old. By state law, he had no legal right to notice about the child's adoption because he was not aware of the pregnancy.

Long-time reader John posted the following comment:

Faith,... more

On my post, Insecurities about Adopted Child's Relationship with Birthparents, a birthfather left a very sad comment about his own situation. He posted that he has a thirteen-year-old birthdaughter that he just found out about this summer. I cannot even imagine the shock that this man must have gone through, first knowing that he had a child and then that "strangers" were raising that child without him ever relinquishing his parental rights or agreeing... more

On my post, Adoption Agencies Referring to Expecting Mothers as Birthmothers, I incorrectly stated that it was not possible in any of the United States for a pregnant woman to be a birthmother because a woman cannot legally terminate her parental rights until after the baby is born. I have changed this statement to the following to make it accurate:

In a nutshell, a birthmother is a woman whose parental rights have legally terminated. This... more

During my series on Deciding to Adopt a Child, a reader left the following comment:

Why don't they do it that way? Match AFTER the child is born and the mother has had all the time she needs to make her decision and to weigh the outcomes. Maybe it would reduce the amount of adoptions, but at least it would reduce failed adoptions perhaps... – Chromesthesia from Deciding to Adopt a Child:... more

From Newborn Adoption: The First Week:

10. Prepare for emotional stress while the adoption could still fail.

The first week with a newborn is emotionally challenging even in the best of circumstances. Add to that first week the stress of knowing that you could “lose” the baby, and you have a potential landmine on your hands.

In many states, the placing mother’s parental rights do... more

From Newborn Adoption: The First Week:

9. Write letters to the placing mother.

If you are in an open or semi-open adoption, the agency or facilitator might ask you to write a letter to the placing mother during the period in which... more

From Newborn Adoption: The First Week:

8. Help the baby bond with you.

Even though your baby grew in your heart, he grew in another woman’s body. While he was in her body, he became accustomed to the sound of his placing mother’s voice as well as other sounds in her environment. Now that he has been born, nothing is familiar. This can be frightening for a helpless... more

From Newborn Adoption: The First Week:

7. Prepare for lots of contact with the adoption agency.

After I took physical custody of my son at two days old, I was in seemingly constant contact with the adoption agency. We were trying to work through the legal requirements for the Interstate Compact... more