Could I Be a Birth Mother?

November 5th, 2013

missing youCould I be a birthmother?  This is a question that recently crossed my mind.  Our journey to parenthood includes several adoption stops along the way, none of them successful, with parenthood finally arriving thanks to the blessing of embryo donation.  On our third attempt with this method, we finally found our forever child, due to be born next month.  I have proceeded cautiously throughout the pregnancy, in denial the first half, cautiously optimistic in the second half.  After all, we had a child in the home when we fostered, we got used to her being in our lives, we loved her as our own, we were her parents for every intent and purpose, and then she was taken away.  She… [more]

Adoption Ads in Pregnancy Magazines

August 30th, 2013

preg magWhen we were pursuing domestic adoption, we did so independently, without the assistance of an adoption agency.  This meant that we had to do our own networking and advertising, as well as screening potential birth parents.  Many times we came across people who were not familiar with private adoption and found our attempts at reaching out suspicious.  Many hopeful adoptive parents likewise found the idea of having to essentially sell themselves as a viable option for someone’s child as demeaning.  Yet adoption agencies can – and are expected to – advertise and network on behalf of their hopeful adoptive parents without raising any red flags. Still, as I came across an entire column of advertisements in the back of a pregnancy… [more]

“Rehoming”

August 25th, 2013

rehoming dogI first heard the term “rehoming” from my sister.  For a time, she ran a guinea pig foster home of sorts, caring for the little rodents while she looked for permanent homes for them.  I liked the positive connotation that goes along with the term “rehoming” – finding a new home.  In the field of information technology, rehoming is used to refer to the movement of an item from its current location to a new location, mostly in a virtual environment. In both instances, there is none of the negativity that is often associated with the concept when humans look for a new, permanent home for their baby. 

The antiquated term, “put up for adoption”, makes the child… [more]

Adoption? Yes, But Not What You Think

April 3rd, 2013

brady bunchAdoption is the legal and/or social establishment of a parent-child relationship where that relationship is not the natural result of marital sexual intimacy. Yet it seems that within this rather straight-forward definition, there are some who have a heart for traditional adoption and worry that anything that doesn’t match up on every single point is not worthy to be called “adoption”. In general, when people hear adoption, they imagine a baby or perhaps an older child who has been orphaned, and they imagine one or more adult strangers taking it upon themselves to make the child a part of their family.  Newborn domestic adoption as well as international adoption and foster care adoption all fall into this category. However, there… [more]

Choosing an Adoption Path (Openness, Risk, Age of Child)

February 4th, 2013

duck familyWhen embarking on the adventure of an adoption journey, there are many choices to make along the way.   Financial considerations are at the forefront of many hopeful adoptive parents’ minds, but there are many other factors to take into account. Openness International adoption is almost always a “closed” adoption, meaning that the adoptive family has no contact with the child’s original family.  In domestic newborn adoptions, the trend has been more in favor of some degree of “openness”.  The degree of openness may vary from the two sets of parents meeting in order to decide if they are a good match, but not exchanging any identifying information or staying in touch; to maintaining some schedule of contact… [more]

Independent/Private Domestic Adoption

January 23rd, 2013

blog picWhen we began our adoption journey, we went to the standard agency orientations where we were told about their international and domestic adoption programs.  We learned about their fee schedules, their wait times, their requirements as well as the requirements of specific countries, the homestudy process, and openness in adoption. The assumption was that we needed an adoption agency to facilitate the adoption process for us.  The truth is that this depends on where you live, so check with your state’s adoption laws.  In Virginia, where we lived at the time, as long as we had a valid adoption homestudy and retained an adoption attorney, we could avoid the use (and the expense) of an adoption agency.  Other states allow the use… [more]

The Timing of Adoption- Not By Chance

July 17th, 2012
Posted By: on Hoping to Adopt

clock blogI remember the look in their eyes when they asked their kids to clear the room so they could talk to my wife and me. My brother had 4 kids already, and when he and his wife told us they wanted to talk to us in private, we suspected correctly that we knew what they wanted to talk about. They were going to have their fifth child, and they were really nervous about how we were going to take the news. They knew that my wife and I had been trying for years to conceive and that it had been a really bumpy road for us. We had been trying different infertility treatments and silly home remedies, but we never saw any… [more]

The Giving and Receiving of a Child

May 12th, 2011

iStock_000014098558XSmallI am an adopter.  I've adopted my children, I adopt stray dogs that show up on my doorstep, and I adopt kittens from the humane society.  So, I have always been on the receiving end of adoption.  Never on the giving side. However, on Sunday I did something I never thought I would do, I gave away one of my cats.  I don't want to presume that giving one of my cats away even compares to a mother giving up her child.  But after I did it, I started to understand the pain, sorrow, and sense of loss a birth mother might feel.  At least just a little. With eight kitties posted between the house, garage, and barn, I can't really be considered a… [more]

Muffins With Mom

May 7th, 2011

iStock_000011914010XSmallFriday morning was Muffins with Mom Day at my daughter’s school, a special Mother’s Day treat in honor of our day.  I sat on the floor of the library with Bunny enjoying a blueberry muffin and watching her make googlie eyes at a boy.  As I sipped my coffee and watched her steal coy and flirtatious glances at her classmate, I realized my baby wasn’t a baby anymore.  She wasn’t particularly thrilled when I wanted to walk her to morning assembly, and she really didn’t want me to kiss her goodbye in front of all of her friends. As I walked across the parking lot back to my car, I started to think about motherhood and what it meant to me.  Motherhood is… [more]

Understanding the Birth Mom – Compassion and Love Required

April 18th, 2011

paper_heartIt is human nature to compare a person's knowledge, life and situation to our own and immediately come to the conclusion that we "would never do something like that". When talking about adoption, you cannot dismiss the role of the birth mom and her significance to the life of the child you are adopting. Many circumstances and roads lead to adoption. Many hard choices and decisions bring a person to the point in the road where adoption is chosen as the answer. This does not neglect the importance of the birth father. We are focusing on the birth mother. There are different reasons why a child is placed for adoption. Let's discuss the reasons and try to gain an understanding of the woman behind… [more]