From International Adoption: How to Choose a Country:

1. Research parameters and eliminate countries.

The best way to begin the process of choosing a country for an international adoption is to eliminate those countries that are not options. Why waste your time looking into countries for which you are not qualified to adopt or that do not have what you are looking for?

This... more

You have decided that you want to adopt, and you know that you want to pursue an international adoption. The next step is to select a country. It was hard enough for me to choose a local adoption agency for a private domestic adoption: I would imagine that selecting a country for an international adoption could be overwhelming. How do you possibly decide from which country to adopt when you have just about the entire world from which to choose?

My husband and I briefly considered adopting... more

If you have a “past” of some form, you might worry about how it will affect your ability to adopt a child. I just completed a series for adult survivors of childhood abuse who might have concerns about the adoption home study process. In addition to a history of being abused, there are many other background concerns that you might have when beginning an adoption home study.

In browsing the forums,... more

If you are an adult survivor of childhood abuse, you might be feeling angry about having to discuss your history with a social worker during the adoption home study process. You might rail against the unfairness of it all. This reaction is very normal and, in my opinion, healthy. It is what you do with your anger during the adoption home study process that matters.

There is a lot to be angry about. Your abusers took away your innocence and your ability to trust, and now they are potentially taking away... more

Last night, on my post entitled Abuse Survivors: Therapy during Adoption Home Study, “Kept Confidential” left a long and heartfelt comment about this topic. This post is to address many of the issues she raises about her frustration with abuse survivors having to discuss their histories as part of the adoption home study.

Let me start by saying that I agree with many (but not all) of her points. Here are the issues she... more

If you were abused as a child but have never sought therapy, I strongly urge you to consider entering into therapy during the adoption home study, if not before. Even abuse that happened “just one time” can cause serious aftereffects: Just that one incident of abuse is enough to steal a child’s innocence and shatter her trust. Be sure to find a qualified therapist with experience in working with people who suffered the type of abuse that you did. Your therapist can become your strongest ally during the adoption... more

As part of the adoption home study process, the social worker will likely ask you to come alone to one meeting. (Most meetings will be as a couple.) This will be the meeting where you discuss your childhood, so it will likely be the meeting during the adoption home study process in wich you will be asked about the childhood abuse.

Here are some of the questions that I was asked. Prepare yourself ahead of time for these questions so that they do not blindside you:

If you were abused as a child, then you will likely be asked to discuss your history with the social worker during your adoption home study. The best way to get through this is to prepare yourself as much as possible before that meeting in your adoption home study. How can you do this?

Talk to your Therapist

Schedule a meeting with your therapist to talk about the home study before you have your one-on-one session with the social worker. Your therapist can provide you with strategies to get... more

In my last two posts, I shared my own personal experiences in discussing my history of being abused as a child in two adoption home studies:

I shared my adoption home study stories so that you... more

In my last post, I shared my experiences about discussing my painful childhood in my first adoption home study. In this post, I will talk about my significantly more painful second adoption home study.

People who were abused as children often have painful memories and emotions triggered when their children reach the age that they were when they were abused. This happened to me. I had always remembered the “lesser abuses”... more