In my last two posts, I shared my own personal experiences in discussing my history of being abused as a child in two adoption home studies:

• Abuse Survivors: My First Adoption Home Study



• Abuse Survivors: My Second Adoption Home Study

I shared my adoption home study stories so that you would know that I know what I am talking about. I know how hard it is to talk about your history with a “stranger” as part of the adoption home study process. I also know how necessary this is, which is the focus of this post.

In the home study, the social worker’s job is to explore anything that might affect your parenting. Does a history of child abuse affect the way you parent? Absolutely! You cannot have your innocence stolen and trust shattered without it affecting every aspect of your life. However, for many abuse survivors who become parents, their experiences influence their parenting in positive ways.

I have several friends who were abused as children, and they are some of the best parents I have ever met. They view their children as precious and shower them with the love and affection that they never received. They are much more protective of their children, so their children are less likely to fall victim to an abuser. They talk with their children about how to protect themselves, so their children are empowered and better prepared than most if an abuser crosses their path.

However, not every abuse survivor reacts in this way. While 90% of abuse survivors do not ever abuse a child, 10% do. See Do Sexually Abused Kids Become Abusers? for more on this topic.

A social worker would be remiss if she did not explore how an abuse survivor reacted to the abuse before permitting him or her to adopt a child. Above all else, the social worker is responsible for ensuring that the child will be placed into a safe home. Any abuse survivor knows firsthand the consequences of placing a child into an unsafe environment. Try viewing the social worker’s questions as a safeguard to protect children rather than as a witch-hunt against you.

Your experiences do influence how you parent. There is no way to get around that. However, this does not have to be a bad thing. I am a much better parent because of my reactions to my abusive past.

Related Topics:

• Surviving the Wait: Dealing with Unresolved Issues




• Top Ten List: Adopting an Abused Child (Abuse survivors might struggle with some of the issues outlined in this series about adopting a child who has been abused.)