In my last post, in which I introduced this series for abuse survivors who are hoping to adopt, I promised to share some of my story so that my readers will know that I understand how hard it is to talk about a history of abuse with a social worker during an adoption home study. I hope that reading about my experience will give you the courage to move forward with your own adoption home study. As painful as it is to talk about your past, it does not compare to the joy you will feel when you hold your child in your arms. Do not let your abusers take this joy from you, too.

I was severely abused as a child from the time I was a toddler through age 11. I got a reprieve before it started back again between the ages of 16 and 17. Needless to say, being abused to that degree has a profound effect on the development of a child.

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Because of my experiences with my parents, I longed to bond with a child. I wanted a second chance for a parent-child relationship in life – to love a child in the way that I was never loved. Learning that I was infertile hit me hard, and I feared that my childhood experiences would prevent me from becoming a parent through adoption.

Part of the home study process was having a one-on-one interview with the social worker about my childhood. I dreaded this conversation because I did not want her to believe that “the apple does not fall far from the tree.” I had spent the previous ten years dealing with all of the emotional abuse memories that had plagued me throughout my childhood, and I worked hard to ensure that I would provide my child with the loving home that had been denied me.

I spent much of this interview talking about the things I would be doing differently with my child, such as valuing my child as a person and never hitting my child. I was approved to adopt, and my son came along a year and a half later. With my son in my life, I finally experienced the amazing bond of a mother and child. I am baffled that my own mother broke this bond because loving your child with all that you have is as natural as breathing.

My second home study was much more painful because, at that time, I was facing the formerly repressed memories head-on. I will talk about that home study in my next post.

Related Topics:

• Surviving the Wait: Dealing with Unresolved Issues




• Top Ten List: Adopting an Abused Child (Abuse survivors might struggle with some of the issues outlined in this series about adopting a child who has been abused.)