One controversial area of adoption is whether or not to adopt out of birth order. I am not an expert on the subject, so be sure to check out the Related Topics that I have included at the bottom of this post.

I know several families who adopted out of birth order and regretted it. The most disturbing stories I have heard came from families who first adopted baby girls and then later adopted older boys out of foster care who had been sexually abused. The older boys sexually abused the little girls, and the fallout from this was devastating to these families. This is certainly not the norm, but I have heard about this scenario from more than one family, so I know that it can and does happen.

Another issue is the “alpha” leader dilemma. Generally speaking, the oldest child in any family often takes on the “alpha” role of being in charge of the younger children. This doesn’t always happen, of course. In fact, my younger sister was more of the “alpha” and took care of me more than I took care of her.

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Another argument to be made for adopting in birth order is that most families grow that way. The oldest children in the house are usually the children who have been in the family the longest. However, as I pointed on in Unsolicited Comments About Your Family Planning, you cannot plan you life around what society dictates as “the norm.”

Ultimately, you need to decide what is best for your family. If adopting out of birth order is what you believe is best, then you need to do what is right for your family. If you have no desire to parent a baby, you should not adopt a baby just because your other child is only two or three years old. You need to do what works for you and your family.

Related Topics:

• Adopting out of Birth Order




• Adopting Out of Birth Order--Part One




• Adopting out of Birth Order? Not for me.




• Sibling Spacing: When to add a second child ... Third? Tenth?



• Adopting a Sibling blog




• Hoping to Adopt a Sibling Series