On my post, How Often to Adoptive Parents Get Pregnant?, a reader posted the following comment:

As someone who is CHOOSING to adopt (we already have a young bio son and no fertility issues), it drives me crazy when people say things like, "Watch, when you bring your kids home from Ethiopia you'll end up having another one of your own!" The assumptions people make are astounding. It's sad that so many people see adoption as some sort of desperate second choice. – mominma at How Often to Adoptive Parents Get Pregnant?

Mominma brings up an important point that many people miss: Not every hopeful adoptive couple tries to conceive a baby first.

I have a good friend on a message board for adoptive mothers who has adopted several times and never tried to conceive a baby. She and her husband decided from the very beginning that they wanted to grow their family through adoption, so they never even tried to determine whether or not they were fertile. Their fertility was irrelevant to them. While she can sympathize with adoptive mothers who grieve their infertility, she cannot personally relate because her fertility never mattered to her.

I have another friend who chose adoption as a first option. She and her husband chose to adopt a sibling group out of foster care. Not every couple has room in their life or the physical space to accommodate adopting a sibling group, so without couples like these, few birth siblings would have the opportunity to grow up together in forever homes.

Not every couple has the desire to take care of a baby. Babies are hard work with a lot of effort going in and very little coming back, especially in the first few months of life. After dealing with potty-training my son, I can certainly appreciate a child who comes potty-trained!

Other couples believe that there are enough babies on the planet and feel no need to "make more." Instead, they would rather provide a home to a child who needs one instead of bringing a new life into the world.

Still other couples come together later in life and do not want to start a biological family in their forties or fifties. They would rather parent children while they are young enough to participate in their activities and not have to worry about paying for college and retirement at the same time.

Some couples have hereditary issues that they do not want to pass along to biological children. For examples, people with hemophilia might want to end the disease for good rather than risking its spread to another generation. Also, people with a family history of mental illness might not want to risk giving birth to a child who could inherit the disorder.

So many people view adoption as "second best," but that is not the case. One social worker used to say that being second choice does not make something second best. Adoption is simply a different way of growing your family and does not need to be compared or contrasted with other ways of growing families. And for some people, adoption truly is a first choice.

Photo credit: Lynda Bernhardt