As you know if you read my post on Wednesday, Jack’s Adoption Day occurred. This year, he wanted to bring in pictures of his brother and sister. Jack’s birthmother has two children whom she parents. Jack loves to talk about them. I thought, if he was going to bring in a picture of his birth family, the other kids might have questions. So, I went to school with him.
I was dreading the question, “Why did she keep those two but not Jack?” I did not get that question, thank God.
One of the teachers asked age-appropriate questions, and I answered them fairly well.
She asked: “What does adoption mean?”
I answered: “All babies grow in someone’s belly. Jack didn’t grow in my belly, he grew in [his birthmother's] belly.”
At this point, Jack is the second oldest child in the school. The oldest one had a few questions. The one I remember was: “How old was Jack when he was adopted?”
One of the other kids, who’s also a personal friend of ours, asked if Jack was going to be adopted by another family. I said: “No. On this day four years ago, a judge made us a forever family.” (I know some people have issues with it, but I really love the phrase “forever family”.)
It was a fairly painless experience. I didn’t stumble or stammer. No one asked any inappropriate questions. Although, Jack did offer up that his brother is older than he is, but still “acts like a baby” so I felt the need to explain that his brother is “developmentally delayed”. I couldn’t think of a better way to put it that would make sense to 2-4 year olds.
Jack has one more Adoption Day at his preschool. I wonder what’s in store next year?
We have never gotten questions from the kids’ friends about adoption since they started “real school.” I have gotten questions from them about whether our youngest, who does not look like the older two, is “ours too.”
To celebrate adoption day when the kids were still in preschool, we just had the teacher read the book A Mother For Choco, and I took fixings to make little apple tarts (pre-cut discs of pie crust, one per kid, chopped apples mixed with butter, cinnamon, and sugar, and muffin tins in which to bake them). The kids could make them themselves, and they were a big hit!
I have offered to do adoption presentations or be a resource if there were questions, but I have never been taken up on my offer. Nothing has happened that has yet warranted my insistence of doing a presentation. I’m sure that day is coming, when kids understand a bit more and start to be more curious.
That sounds like a great idea! We like the book A Mother for Choco too. I might try that activity next year – Jack’s last Adoption Day at his pre-school.
I have two adopted children my son is 3 1/2 and my daughter is 6mths old, they have been with us since birth.
I get sick to my stomach just thinking that I have to tell them they are adopted.
My son has started asking questions and I dont know what to tell him.
any sugestions?
Why do you get sick to your stomach? Adoption isn’t a bad thing. Children should always know that they were adopted. We didn’t “tell” Jack he was adopted, exactly. We had pictures of his birthmother and older brother around. When he was 2, I made him a personal storybook about his adoption. Adoptive Families and Adoption.com have some great suggestions for conversation and storybooks. I hope this helps!
For our daughter we made her “adoption story” part of her bedtime story “Once upon a time there was a baby placed at the hospital”. She loved hearing about her story and would often ask to hear it again when we passed “her” hospital. Her adoption story is part of her just like her blue eyes.