One series of decisions you will face is what race(s) you will consider. This can be such an uncomfortable series of questions to discuss. On the one hand, you don’t want to feel like you are being exclusionary in the races you will and will not consider, especially when the questions move into percentages, such as 25% of a particular race. On the other hand, it is very normal and human to want to adopt a child who looks like you.

When a couple becomes pregnant, they “make” a baby who inherits physical characteristics from each parent. When couples fantasize about their baby, they generally imagine a child with daddy’s eyes and mommy’s nose. Preferring a child who physically resembles you does not make you a “bad” person. It is best to be very honest with yourself and with your social worker (or facilitator) about this topic, even if it is an uncomfortable subject to discuss.

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Other challenges are far from lighthearted, especially when you come into contact with intolerant members of society. There are many people who are not supportive of transracial adoption, and some of those people can be vocal about it when they see you out in public with your child. I know several transracial adoptive families who have heard all sorts of rude and/or ignorant comments from people.

One question that is particularly annoying is when people ask the race of the child, sometimes even in front of the child. The parents just see their child as the wonderful person that he is. This question is a constant reminder that other people see the child as a [fill in the race] child rather than as a beloved member of their family. My favorite response to the question, “What is your child’s race?” is “Human.” LOL

I know several families with transracial adoptions, and they all love their children dearly. They do not “see” their child’s race because they love the child for who he is. Many of these families help the child to stay connected to his heritage, such as by studying about Romania or celebrating Kwanza. These families would tell you that one of the biggest challenges is dealing with the outside world.

For more information on transracial adoptions, check out the Transracial Adoption blog.

Related Topics:

• The Impact of Transracial Adoption


• Choosing to adopt- Why it's hard


• Choosing to adopt- when family disapproves