e-mail
I was 13 when I learned that babies didn’t just pop out of one’s torso, Alien-style. I went to Catholic school, so they were a little light on the details until then. Plus, my sister and I were C-sections, so I just assumed…
I was 13 when the Iron Curtain fell. In Romania, Nicolae Ceauşescu’s reign was over. For the first time, Westerners saw the awful orphanages – 600 of them, housing more than 100,000 children, who were kept in cribs, abused, and neglected.
Putting two and two together, I decided I would adopt my children.
When choosing adoption, I never realized that pretty much everyone would assume that we adopted because we couldn’t have biological children. Of course, they don’t say “biological”. In fact, the first question I get is, “Couldn’t you have children of your own?”
Well, first, he is my own. Second, why are you asking me such a personal question? Third, it doesn’t matter.
What annoys me even more than those questions, though, are the “experts”. All of the books I read about adoption included several pages, chapters even, about accepting your infertility and grieving the loss of your biological child. References to infertility litter the pages of some books. I realize that infertility happens, and that many adoptive parents do choose adoption after trying to conceive. However, I find it presumptuous on the part of these “experts” to assume that all adoptive parents have experienced infertility, and that all people who experience infertility must handle it and its consequences in the same manner. For some people, infertility is a nightmare. For others, it’s a bump in the road. If even the experts write about adoption as a lesser choice, how can we expect society not to think the same?
I remember reading a blog post that started with “Those of us who are lucky enough to have our families naturally…”. Lucky enough. I wrote that blogger a venomous email message, and I’m not proud of that. I should have stayed calm whilst I politely told her where she could go. If she had written, for example, “Those of us who are lucky enough to be white…” would that have been OK? I think not. But it’s OK – in fact, de rigueur – to treat adoption as second best. Or third best, where unassisted pregnancy is first, assisted pregnancy is second, and adoption is third.
There are those who believe that people who could have biological children should either do so, or should adopt only older children, children with special needs, foster children, etc. Some agencies discriminate on the basis of fertility. If you can have a biological child, you can’t sign with them. I really think that’s bitterness talking. Furthermore, how I build my family is my choice, not that of a nameless commenter on a blog, or the people who respond to a Parenting poll. With literally millions of children who need families, I don’t think fertility or lack thereof should be an issue.
So yes, I chose adoption. From those I’ve come to know over the last four years, I know I’m not alone. It seems more and more people are turning to adoption, either as a way to grow their families from scratch, or to add to them.
I have my own child. I love him. I can’t imagine having done this any other way.
Ronald Steven Federici is often described as “the country’s expert in the neuropsychological evaluation and treatment of children having multi-sensory neurodevelopmental impairments.”
He is best described as a “developmental neuropsychologist,” specializing in the treatment of “institutional autism” (which he also calls “post-traumatic autism,” or “post-institutional autistic syndrome”).
Dr. Federici is licensed by the Virginia Board, and is the holder of a Psy. D. degree.
Dr. Ronald Federici is the author of “Help for the Hopeless Child: A Guide for Families, With Special Discussion for Assessing and Treating the Post-Institutionalized Child” and is the founder of Neuropsychological and Family Practice Associates, in McLean, Virginia.
He has worked with adopted children from Russia, Romania, Ukraine and Belarus. He is also the father to seven adopted children of his own.
Federici is also an outspoken opponent of dangerous practices, such as those resulting in the death of Candace Newmaker. In addition, he has also sought to provide as much assistance as possible to children living in orphanages and other institutions with deplorable conditions.
More information about Dr. Federici and his work can be found at:
http://ronaldfederici.wordpress.com (Ronald Federici blog)
http://ronfederici.wordpress.com (Ron Federici blog)
http://childrenintherapy.wordpress.com (Children in Therapy)
http://advocatesforchildrenintherapy.wordpress.com (Advocates for Children in Therapy)
http://angelinajolieadoptions.wordpress.com (Angelina Jolie’s adoptions; Dr. Federici is Angelina Jolie’s adoption consultant)
Hello all,
I am new to this blogging game. I wanted to inform you of a new trend taking hold across this great nation. Hopefull, adoptive parents coming out to abortion clinics & speaking to moms that are abortion minded. Alot of these moms come to these “clinics” for preg. tests & ultrasounds. The staff in these facilities will not be giving options. We need to give these women choices they & their babies can live with. We are there in love. No yelling, just kind words.So many women at these places are uninformed regarding adoption. Lets go to where the babies are!! Lives are being saved. Be part of this movement.