The following question was submitted by a reader during the Positive Adoption Language series:

Adoption forges relationships that have no names yet. For example, my DD's birthmom and I have yet to come up with a term that adequately describes our relationship...

1. "daughter's birthmother" -- While accurate, this term doesn't encompass MY relationship with [her].


2. "friend" -- Doesn't do justice to the unique bond we have.


3. "sister" -- Comes closest to the essence of how we feel, but is not accurate at all.


4. "daughter's other mother" -- Well, that would open up an entirely new conversation!

How about a blog entry brainstorming terms people have developed to describe their open adoption-created relationships?

SPONSOR

This is a FABULOUS topic and one for which I have no answer. I would love to receive input from those of you who are in an open adoption relationship. How do you refer to the “other mother” in your child’s life?

Our adoption is a semi-open one. We met my son’s birthmother when she was still pregnant. We were introduced on a first name basis only. After Nicholas was born, we sent her pictures and letters through the agency every other month for the first year and then twice a year thereafter. She chose not to contact us. If I talk about her, I refer to her as my son’s birthmother. I really don’t have a label for what we are to each other. I do feel connected with her. She is one of the few people on earth who cares about the kinds of things that I do about THIS child. If Nicholas chooses to search for her as an adult and she stays in his life, I would like to know what to call our relationship to each other.

I would love to hear how other people refer to their child’s birthmother and adoptive mother. Please post a comment here or e-mail me at hopetoadoptblogger@adoptionmail.com.

I also have a question for those of you who are in adoptive relationships already. I will post about it in the next blog.