e-mail
In a perfect world, every couple who decided to adopt a child would have a stable marriage, and the marriage would last forever. No adopted child would ever suffer through his parents’ divorce. Unfortunately, in the real world, not every couple stays together. While many adoptive couples have very solid marriages, some do not. If a marriage is teetering on the brink of dissolving, moving forward with an adoption is a bad idea.
The adoption process is very stressful, and it can rock the most stable of marriages. Once the process is completed, many marriages become more solidified. It is through our trials and tribulations that we test the foundation of our relationships. However, for shakier marriages, the process can tear a couple apart.
A child who has already suffered the loss of his biological family needs to be shielded from additional losses as much as possible. Of course, we cannot predict nor prevent some losses, such as the sudden death of an adoptive parent. However, losses such as a divorce can often be foreseen. If you are uncertain about the health of your marriage, then you should wait to adopt until you work through your marital issues or dissolve the marriage.
Making the decision to wait to adopt can be very difficult for some people. When a person has desired to parent for a very long time, the thought of calling off a home study and waiting even longer to become a parent can throw a person into a deep depression. When one dream – the dream of a forever marriage – is already falling apart, it is hard to let go of a second dream – the dream of becoming a parent. Losing both your spouse and the child you want to adopt can be a very heavy blow for a person to withstand.
Nevertheless, the child’s best interest must always come first. If you suspect that your marriage is going to dissolve within the next year or two, it is cruel to bring a child into the situation, encouraging him to bond with a parent who will not be sticking around for long. Also, never rely on adopting a child to be the glue that holds a shaky marriage together. Adding a child to the family makes life more stressful and can actually speed up the dissolution of a marriage rather than save it. Also, no child should bear the responsibility of holding his family together.
Related Topics:
- Deciding to Adopt a Child: How Stable is Your Marriage?
- Stress of the Adoption Process on Your Marriage
Photo credit: Lynda Bernhardt
several years ago I provided respite care for a teen girl in a preadopt home. The family ended up adopting her and her younger brother. She was in their church choir, maybe she still is. The parents got divorced after the adoption. I heard today that she gave birth recently, at 16. I can’t help but wonder if her parents divorce and subsequent dating of new partners contributed to her pregnancy.
I agree. I will write about this topic. :0)
- Faith