If you are considering breastfeeding your adopted baby, you should think about the following issues:

(1) How much support do you have for this decision?

If you are one of those people who truly does not give a @#$% about what anyone else thinks about your decisions, you can skip down to the next issue. However, if you are like the rest of us, you might want to make an honest assessment of how much support you will receive from the people in your life. Adoptive breastfeeding is something that most people have never heard of, so there is not a lot of societal support for this decision.

The reactions that I got from the people in my life were mixed. Most of my friends were supportive. Since most of them breastfed their children, they could understand my reasons for wanting to do the same. My son’s pediatrician tried to talk me out of it, saying that it was not a necessary part of bonding with a baby. Some of my family members said nothing directly to me about it, but the looks on their faces spoke volumes. Adoptive breastfeeding can be challenging, so having a good support system is very helpful.

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If you have a closed or semi-open adoption, then your choice to breastfeed the baby will probably never come up. However, if you plan to have a fully open adoption with visits, how will breastfeeding the baby affect your relationship with the birthmother? I would imagine that watching an adoptive mother breastfeed a birthchild could be very difficult to watch. (I welcome input on this topic from any birthmother who is reading this post.) You might want to weigh out the benefits of adoptive breastfeeding versus getting the open adoption arrangement off to a smooth start.

(3) What are your reasons for wanting to breastfeed?

I have already provided a number of valid reasons to consider breastfeeding an adopted baby in the post Adoptive Breastfeeding: Reasons To Do It. However, those are not the only reasons that some women choose to do it. Some women might fear that breastfeeding is the only way to bond with the baby. That is simply not true. Most babies who are adopted are not breastfed, and yet most manage to bond with their adoptive mothers. Other women might use adoptive breastfeeding as a way of trying to “overlook” the fact that the baby was adopted. I do not believe that most adoptive mothers who choose to breastfeed have this motivation, but I have read that some women do. Whether or not you choose to breastfeed, your baby will still have a birthmother. Breastfeeding is not going to sever the connection between the baby and his birthmother. If you choose to breastfeed, make sure you are doing it for the right reason – because you believe it is what is best for the baby.

(4) How will you feel if the adoption falls through?

This question was my biggest concern. In the State of Georgia, the birthmother has 10 days to choose to parent after signing the paperwork to terminate her parental rights. I had custody of my son-to-be/her birthchild during that 10-day period. I chose to breastfeed him during that time. I do believe that, if she had chosen to parent, the breastfeeding would have made grieving the loss even harder. I chose to take this risk, and it worked out. Think about how this will affect you if you will take custody of the baby before the birthmother’s parental rights terminate.

Related links:

• Breastfeeding the adopted child, part 1



• Breastfeeding the adopted child, part 2


• Breastfeeding an adopted baby