Your profile should include a letter written to the placing mother. Different agencies call these letters different things. When we adopted my son, we were told to address the letter to “Dear Birthmother.” This terminology is not accurate because a pregnant woman is not a birthmother – she has not placed her baby into an adoptive home and terminated her legal rights.

See the following posts for more on this important distinction:

• Positive Adoption Language – Was Adopted, Placing Mother


• When to Use the Term "Birthmother"

When we went through the adoption process a second time through a different agency, we were told to address the letter to “Dear Expectant Mother.” That address did not seem quite right, either. From what I understand, “Dear Placing Mother” is the most accurate and respectful terminology to use for these letters. (I welcome any input from any placing mothers or birthmothers who are reading this post.)

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I cannot believe the stark contrast between my first and second attempts at writing a “Dear Placing Mother” letter. The first time, I was very insecure, and my reservations were reflected in the words and tone of my letter. My letter focused more on “selling” myself as somebody who would be a good parent. My revised letter reflected more of my warmth, and it focused more on who I was as a person and invited the placing mother to get to know me better.

“Dear Placing Mother” letters are also important because they set the tone for how you will respond to the placing mother after the adoption if you are entering into a semi-open or open adoption. If you are very reserved in your “Dear Placing Mother” letter, then the placing mother will get the message that you will be reserved in your correspondence after placement. However, if you are comfortable with sharing details about your life now, then you communicate a willingness to share details about your life with your child if she chooses you to parent her baby.

Related Topics:

• Hopeful Adoptive Parent Profiles/Life Books




• Parent Profiles




• Adoptive Parent Profile Series