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Yes, I did just quote the old school GI Joe cartoon in the title of this post. Why? Knowing is half the battle! In just about any situation, knowing what your up against can help you figure out what path you should follow in order to achieve your desired goal. It applies to adoption in many ways.
1. Knowing what situation best fits your family. As you research what adoption methods work best for your family, you may be overwhelmed with the many avenues you could explore. Will foster adoption be a good fit for your family? Is international adoption a direction that you can afford and handle? Are you open to a domestic newborn adoption which may involve an on-going open adoption relationship with the birth family? Can you handle twins or a sibling pair? Are health problems beyond your ability? What about emotional or mental health issues? The first step in this “knowing” battle is actually knowing yourself and your family and figuring out what works best for you.
2. Knowing everything you can know about a potential match situation. Whether you are choosing foster adoption, international or a domestic situation, there are things you can learn about any potential match or referral that lands in your lap. Ask questions of the agency, attorney or expectant family involved. Research any health issues that may come into play that you are not particularly familiar or have any experience. Consult a doctor if you are concerned about a health, emotional or mental issue. Ask questions of other adoptive families. Get as much of a health history as you possibly can, especially if dealing with a domestic newborn adoption. These are things that will help and shape how you parent your child in the future.
3. Know everything you can know about the adoption process as it applies to your state. Remember that adoption laws vary from state to state. As such, it is your responsibility to learn these laws inside and out. In doing so you will be able to recognize if your agency, attorney or a potential match is doing something outside of the law that could jeopardize the adoption process. If you feel uncomfortable with something that is going on, ask questions and demand answers. If answers aren’t available, consider it a red flag and walk away.
4. Help your child to know everything you can about his/her adoption story. Once the adoption is final and you are raising your child, it becomes your job to help your child know everything he/she can know. That includes his/her adoption story. Keeping adoption a secret is no longer believed to be the best thing for a child. It can be very detrimental. In fact, waiting to tell a child that he/she was adopted until they “can understand it” is also viewed as a potentially disasterous way to handle the situation. The truth is that our children understand far more than we give them credit for, understanding intricate details about their lives far before adults believe that they could! Be honest and open from day one, even before they can understand anything you’re saying. Remember: knowing is half the battle. Help your child prepare.
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