This post is about communication in open adoption.

First, you'll have to put up with my own little drama.

Recently, a person who I thought knew me quite well got really angry at me about something I said. She thought I said what I said for one reason; the reality is that I said it for quite another reason. Apparently my delivery didn't convey my meaning very well, especially when combined with certain assumptions she has about me. She thinks she irritates me. She told me I wasn't patient enough with her. I told her she hadn't given me any reason to be impatient with her and I couldn't think of a single time she'd irritated me.

I felt she'd misread me.

She felt I'd mistreated her.

She said her piece and said we should move on, but I'm not feeling it yet. I felt like I'd been misunderstood. I don't like that she is carrying around all these assumptions about what I think about her that aren't true, and I don't know what to do about it!

But we are friends. And we probably will get past it. I love this woman dearly and for the past several days all I can think about are the good times we've had together. I keep searching for times I'd mistreated her..and I haven't found any. At least none that I did on purpose. Here's the thing, however - if she's going to make assumptions about why I do or don't do something and she's going to assume that I didn't return her call because I disrespect her (instead of maybe that I'm busy) or that I was curt with her because she irritates me (instead of maybe I was sick or preoccupied or something like that) then the situation is never going to change. I can't make it better if we aren't open.

So I've been thinking about this situation and what a mess assumptions can create and I was thinking that in the scheme of things my little problem is not that big a deal, but if you are an adoptive parent or a first parent or an adopted person yourself, then assumptions can be really, really dangerous.

Let me share with you a little something I learned a long time ago: ASSUME NOTHING.

Or, if you're going to assume, assume the best that could possibly be, not the worst.

If you are in an open adoption, either as 1st parent or adoptive parent, you are in an intense relationship that is fraught with emotion, but also one where you don't really know the other person who you're involved with. There are probably situations where both sets of parents come to know each other quite well, but I'm guessing that's unusual. I'm guessing that there can be a lot of tension in the air. I'm also guessing that if the people in this emotional, tense, forced relationship start assuming things about the other "side" that things can get ugly kind of fast.

I am not in an open adoption situation, so I can't speak from experience. It just seems to me that people are people, and since most relationships get complicated then an already-complicated relationship has great potential to become really complicated.

What do you think?