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The question always comes up: Where should I start?
And the answer is always the same: Research, research, research!
I researched adoption for two years. My husband and I were married in 2002. We told each other that we wanted to be married for a year before we talked kids. I told him that I’d be researching adoption agencies the day after our first wedding anniversary. It wasn’t quite that marked, but I did start reading in the Summer of 2003. We signed with our agency in May 2005. So, yes, I researched adoption for two years. (And I still didn’t know everything I needed to know, nor did I like our agency. But that’s another post.)
I highly recommend the following books, in this order:
- Is Adoption for You: The Information You Need to Make the Right Choice by Christine Adamec – Even if you know you want to adopt! It offers great discussion questions, which can help you get a leg up on your home study
- The Essential Adoption Handbook by Colleen Alexander-Roberts – probably the most interesting and informative book about adoption
- The Adoption Resource Book by Lois Gilman – probably the most exhaustive book about adoption
- The Complete Adoption Book by Laura Beauvais-Godwin – this book repeats some of what the other books have to say, but it offers more in-depth sections about special needs adoptions and drug and alcohol abuse
If you’re planning a domestic adoption, I also recommend the following quick but informative reads:
- Adopting in America: How to Adopt Within One Year by Randall B. Hicks
- Reaching Out: The Guide to Writing a Terrific Dear Birthmother Letter by Nelson Handel
Adoptive Families magazine is a resource I couldn’t do without, and they keep getting better.
I don’t actually recommend going online until you have some book-smarts under your belt. Like snowflakes, no two adoptions are the same. Before you start reading people’s personal stories, it’s a good idea to have some knowledge of the terminology and process. You need to realize that the processes for all types of adoptions differ, and that the laws in different states make it virtually impossible for you to be able to read another person’s story and know that it will be that way for you too. Whether you get your hopes up because you see that someone only waited two weeks before she was placed with her daughter, or are scared away by the stories of failed adoptions, a solid foundation formed by research helps.
If you do have agencies in your area, they likely offer free information sessions. You can attend these even if you don’t think you’ll use the agency, for whatever reason. For example, I lived near a popular adoption agency in New Hampshire. Although we knew we’d be moving soon, I still went to an information session. I learned a lot about international adoption from the agency and adoptive parent perspective. Now, we didn’t do an international adoption, but the point was, I learned new things, and knowledge, as they say, is power.
Once you are ready to venture online – hey! If you’re reading this, you’re online, so I guess it’s too late. Stop reading this and read a book! Did that work? I didn’t think so.
OK, once you are ready to venture online, adoption.com really is the best adoption forum, and I’m not saying that because they pay me. I wish I had known about it before we signed with our agency. I’ve learned a lot from the women and men who share their knowledge and experiences.
Yahoo! groups are the next place to go. They have a group for everything. I consider the people I’ve met on my “online support groups” to be friends. I’ve even met up with some of them in real life.
Someday soon, I will post an exhaustive list of online resources. I hope these are helpful to you on your adoption journey.
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