You've all heard the stories.

Birth mom makes the adoption plan. She matches with an adoptive family. Birth mother is secure in her plan, the adoptive family are EXSTATIC.



Birth mother gives birth to her child. She may or may not allow the adoptive family there for the birth, but in any event, they are at the hospital somewhere, waiting to meet their new bundle of joy.

Then, the adoptive family walks to the door of the birth mother's room, and gets stopped by their social worker, being told "the birth mother has changed her mind...she has made the decision to parent the baby."

Lives change. The adoptive parents are crushed, the birth family shares in the excitement of their newborn baby.

"What happened? Why did it happen to me? Look how much money we spent taking care of her...that was her plan all along!!!", the adoptive parents to be screech.

Next thing you know, they are discouraging ANYONE from choosing Domestic Adoption, and going to International Adoption.

Okay, okay. So there's a lot of what ifs and tangibles that I did not present during that dialogue.

And contrary to what you are thinking, this post is not going to be a pro-domestic, or pro-international, or even pro-foster/adopt post.

As a hopeful adoptive parent, if you are just embarking on the process of adoption, and wanting an infant...this is directed toward you, to help you.

In a domestic adoption, the hopeful adoptive family either pays an agency to find them their child, or pays an attorney to legalize a "private" adoption, which is when the adoptive parents have found someone on their own to adopt from.

One thing that a hopeful must consider is that NOTHING IS GUARANTEED in a domestic adoption. The birth mothers, 95% of the time, I honestly believe, start out with the best of intentions. However, NOTHING can prepare them, REALLY prepare them, to separate with the bundle of joy they are about to deliver.

This is their baby. It is a part of them that they have carried for 9 months.

So, it comes to question the debate of allowing the birth mother to bond with the baby before she gives them away. There is a trend for allowing this, and if you're seeking an open adoption where you will know the birth mother, you NEED to know if this is going to be her plan or not.

A lot of psychologists explain that it is NECESSARY for the birth mother to bond with the baby before she places the baby with the adoptive family. Read one particular opinion regarding this here: Saying Hello Before Saying Goodbye

However, lots of adoptive families are scared that this bonding time seen crucial by the psychologists will cause the birth mother to make the decision to parent rather than continue with the adoption.

NOT SO, I say. If the birth mother knows that she cannot parent the baby, she can, as hard as it is, place the most beautiful baby on Earth for adoption if she knows her own limits and capacities.

I say allow the baby to at least have that ONE chance to connect with their blood...their heart and soul, before they move on to their adoptive parents.

The adoptive parents will love them just as much, however, nothing is as sacred as that first few moments with the feel and smells and sounds of it's birth mom.

Just my .02

Until Tonight,
Storm