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I recently wrote a brief post recommending some books for adoptive parents. One of them is A Love Like No Other: Stories from Adoptive Parents. I read it back in 2005. I started reading it again (because my husband just read it, so it was out), and realized that my perspective has changed.
I still recommend the book. I do like to read other people’s stories. However, I do have some criticisms.
I had forgotten how smug and hyper-self-aware writers can be. Each one of these essays is very much by a Writer. Obviously, I like writers (I am one, as is my husband) but an entire book of freelance writers who write in similar styles – and many of them are published in the same magazines – gets repetitive. It’s hard to differentiate the voices, because most of them are essentially the same.
Going back to the smugness, most of the essays have the same arc:
- Writer knew adoption would be different and hard.
- Writer adopted.
- Writer found lots to write about.
- Writer proved that adoption is different and hard, but…
- It’s all been an amazing, heartwarming experience.
Many of the essays are self-congratulatory, some of them annoyingly so. In addition, it seems like most of the writers live in or near New York. The New York culture, especially in NYC itself, is so different from most of the rest of the country, that those experiences in particular seem the same, and completely not what anyone outside of New York is likely to experience.
My favorite essays are the ones that are a little different. Dan Savage, in “Living in a Very Open Adoption”, writes about his relationship with his child’s unconventional birth mother. In “The Second Time Around”, Amy Rackrear writes about choosing to adopt again without a lot of support from her family. “Color Her Becky”, by Jill Smolowe, is an interesting discussion about race the the context of the relationship between mother and child. In “Which Ones Are Yours?”, Jacquelyn Mitchard writes the way I’d like to write, vexing the reporter who is interviewing her.
I can also see that I like the essays that I feel are close to my experience. I can’t believe that I had to write a blog post to realize that.
I really disliked “The First Thirteen”, by Jana Wolff. I intend to create a separate post about it. While I liked “The Orphan Myth”, by Doug Hood, people who don’t like to think of adoption as saving children will hate it. In fact, I think I might have to write a post about it too.
I’ve been thinking about reviewing more books in this space. If you have any suggestions, please let me know!
Photo Credit: Amazon.com
Book reviews are very helpful and provide great insight for others seeking more information on adoption.
Your review is very candid and provides good specific feedback.
I think you should continue to review books to share with others. It might also be helpful to give a brief summary sentence or two to introduce the book before you review it’s content.
We encourage you to find more resources and books to review through a great online resource: http://tapestrybooks.com
Tapestry Books is an online retailer that specializes in Adoption Books. We carry over 1,500 titles, of which probably 30+% are from small publishers or self-publishing.
Thanks for this post! I’m a co-editor of this book. Your reaction is actually one that Jill (my co-editor) and I hoped A Love Like No Other would get! We wanted the book to represent the diversity of adoptive parents’ experiences and views; we wanted some stories to resonate–others to challenge.
Having been a bio parent before I became an adoptive parent, I was struck by how much of the adoption literature assumed that there was one, right reaction while the general parenting literature allowed for much more variation.
One last thing: a significant chunk of the writers do not live in New York!
I’m one of the book’s contributors, and would like to share an epiphany of sorts that I had very recently. I had no input regarding this book’s title. My revelation: I have always believed that I love my children as I would had I given birth to them. The love like no other that I feel, personally, is for my children’s birthmothers. There is nothing in my life that is comparable (except, perhaps, for their birthfathers).
[...] in January, I wrote a review of the book A Love Like No Other. In it, I said I disliked the essay “The First Thirteen”, by Jana [...]