From Protecting Adopted Child’s Privacy Series:

10. Maintaining your adopted child's privacy shows that you respect that it is the child’s story to tell.

The bottom line for why you should maintain your adopted child’s privacy is out of respect for your child. The child’s history is his – not yours, your friends’, or your family’s. Your adopted child should be the one to decide who knows this very personal information about his life.

You do not know how your child is going to react to information about his history when he is older. For some children, very sensitive information is a mere blip on the courses of their lives. Other children wrestle with reconciling the choices made by their birthparents with their own self-worth. Some children might not care who knows what, while others might be very private and not want to share this information with anyone.

At the end of the day, it is your child who will be the one to process the information he learns about his history. What is just an interesting tidbit to a friend or relative can be a very big deal to your child. Keeping this information private shows that you respect your child’s right to determine what is and is not a “big deal.” Privacy enables the child to work through his own issues without having to sort through other people’s opinions on the matter.

Also, children need to know that their parents view them as individuals, not just as extensions of the family. As parents, we do this by respecting our children’s interests and choices in various matters. There are some decisions that we, as parents, must make for our children, but there are also many others that children need to be allowed to make for themselves. What information to share about the child’s history is a choice that should be left up to the child, and providing the child with this opportunity shows respect.

Since you have no way of knowing how your child will feel about making his history public knowledge, respect him enough to keep it private until he is old enough to make this decision for himself. Your child will appreciate your discretion, even if he ultimately chooses to tell the whole world.

Related Topics:

• Adoptees Personal Information Needing to Remain Their’s


• Protecting Adoptees Past Information



• Saying Too Much



• How To Keep Your Child’s Story Private



• On Sharing Pre-Adoption History



• Sharing your child's story...or not