From Protecting Adopted Child’s Privacy Series:

4. Shared information can influence how others view your child.

Whenever you share information about why your child was placed for adoption, you run the risk of tainting how some people view your child. Many people buy into the old adage of “the apple never falls far from the tree.” Some people might label your child even before he is born, always waiting for him to follow in the footsteps of his birthparents (or, more accurately, their perception of the birthparents).

Let’s say your child was placed for adoption because his birthmother was in prison. There are some people who will assume that your child has inherited “bad genes.” Each time your child acts out in an age-appropriate manner, some people will see these behaviors as proof that your child is a “bad seed.” They will look for proof that your child is going to be a lawbreaker, too.

What if your child was conceived through rape? If he is a boy, some people will worry that the baby will have his birthfather’s “rape genes” and become a menace to society. Was the birthmother young and unmarried when she conceived? Some people will assume that your child will be more likely to sleep around as a teenager.

Even though there is no scientific basis for assuming that the child of a rapist will rape or that the child of an unmarried teenager will become promiscuous in high school, there are people who believe these things. People with these views might treat your child differently, always looking for evidence of the “bad seed.” Your child does not need this kind of scrutiny or labeling.

Children are innocent beings, and they have the capacity to become anything they want to be. They deserve to be nurtured and encouraged to reach for the stars. They should not bear the burden of being labeled by ignorant family and friends. If you keep their history private, then the people around them will not be armed with ways to limit your child’s potential.

Related Topics:

• Adoptees Personal Information Needing to Remain Their’s


• Protecting Adoptees Past Information



• Saying Too Much



• How To Keep Your Child’s Story Private



• On Sharing Pre-Adoption History



• Sharing your child's story...or not