Comments on: Closed Adoption: Pros and Cons http://hoping.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/closed-adoption-pros-and-cons Provides adoption information and guidance for people who are hoping to adopt a child domestically or internationally. Mon, 08 Mar 2010 23:42:47 -0700 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.8.4 hourly 1 By: Faith Allen http://hoping.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/closed-adoption-pros-and-cons/comment-page-1#comment-514 Faith Allen Mon, 03 Dec 2007 00:27:04 +0000 http://hoping-to-ad.www.adoptionblogs.com/2007/03/12/closed-adoption-pros-and-cons#comment-514 I am so sorry to hear about your experience. I will write about it on my blog so, hopefully, other hopeful adoptive parents will be more considerate in their open adoptions.<br /> <br /> Take care,<br /> <br /> - Faith I am so sorry to hear about your experience. I will write about it on my blog so, hopefully, other hopeful adoptive parents will be more considerate in their open adoptions.

Take care,

- Faith

]]> By: bicentanialbaby http://hoping.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/closed-adoption-pros-and-cons/comment-page-1#comment-513 bicentanialbaby Sun, 02 Dec 2007 13:48:41 +0000 http://hoping-to-ad.www.adoptionblogs.com/2007/03/12/closed-adoption-pros-and-cons#comment-513 open adoptions are not all cracked up to be what they sound like..i went through an agency to put my baby up for adoption, i figured since they were friends of my employer they would be true to their word. through out the pregnacy i felt pressure at times i didnt want to go through with it. but i kept saying to myself its the best thing its open so you will always have pictures, letters and once a year meetings after all thats what i was promised they even signed a moral contract,well the first month went great till the birth father came forward asking questions, it scared the family so the mother decided to call me screaming and yelling and accusing me of bringing him forward. it was the agency who needed his signature, after that one moment i felt regret of a mistake i wrongly made. i felt be littled and i soon found out of the lies after the adoption was final in 6 months they stopped all contact all pictures,nothing that they had promise and that hurt the worse. so it can be just as bad as closed open adoptions are not all cracked up to be what they sound like..i went through an agency to put my baby up for adoption, i figured since they were friends of my employer they would be true to their word. through out the pregnacy i felt pressure at times i didnt want to go through with it. but i kept saying to myself its the best thing its open so you will always have pictures, letters and once a year meetings after all thats what i was promised they even signed a moral contract,well the first month went great till the birth father came forward asking questions, it scared the family so the mother decided to call me screaming and yelling and accusing me of bringing him forward. it was the agency who needed his signature, after that one moment i felt regret of a mistake i wrongly made. i felt be littled and i soon found out of the lies after the adoption was final in 6 months they stopped all contact all pictures,nothing that they had promise and that hurt the worse. so it can be just as bad as closed

]]> By: Faith Allen http://hoping.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/closed-adoption-pros-and-cons/comment-page-1#comment-512 Faith Allen Tue, 13 Mar 2007 00:02:03 +0000 http://hoping-to-ad.www.adoptionblogs.com/2007/03/12/closed-adoption-pros-and-cons#comment-512 Thank you both for your comments.<br /> <br /> Theresa -- Since I am not a proponent of closed adoption, I confess that I had to try hard to brainstorm for pros. Unless a birthfamily is a danger to a child (such as in an abusive situation), I was hard pressed to come up with pros for the child. It seems like a basic fundamental right to have access to information about your own life.<br /> <br /> Scarlet Moon 13 -- Very good point about not knowing if the child is alive or dead. I actually have that concern in the back of my mind re: my son's birthfamily. We had a semi-open adoption, but his birthmother moved and left no forwarding address, which effectively closed the adoption. It is disconcerting to think that she could die and we would not know about it until my son chose to search. I cannot even imagine the horror this birthmother felt when she found out that her birthchild had died.<br /> <br /> I welcome any pros or cons that I missed on this list. If you are in a closed adoption and have positive or negative things to share, feel free to post them here. <br /> <br /> Take care,<br /> <br /> - Faith Thank you both for your comments.

Theresa — Since I am not a proponent of closed adoption, I confess that I had to try hard to brainstorm for pros. Unless a birthfamily is a danger to a child (such as in an abusive situation), I was hard pressed to come up with pros for the child. It seems like a basic fundamental right to have access to information about your own life.

Scarlet Moon 13 — Very good point about not knowing if the child is alive or dead. I actually have that concern in the back of my mind re: my son’s birthfamily. We had a semi-open adoption, but his birthmother moved and left no forwarding address, which effectively closed the adoption. It is disconcerting to think that she could die and we would not know about it until my son chose to search. I cannot even imagine the horror this birthmother felt when she found out that her birthchild had died.

I welcome any pros or cons that I missed on this list. If you are in a closed adoption and have positive or negative things to share, feel free to post them here.

Take care,

- Faith

]]> By: scarlet moon 13 http://hoping.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/closed-adoption-pros-and-cons/comment-page-1#comment-511 scarlet moon 13 Mon, 12 Mar 2007 21:58:38 +0000 http://hoping-to-ad.www.adoptionblogs.com/2007/03/12/closed-adoption-pros-and-cons#comment-511 One very hard thing about closed adoption. The birthmother has no idea if her child is alive or dead. There is no obligation for the adoptive parents to ever try inform her if some happens to the child.<br /> <br /> I know of one case where the child died before the adoption was final, within months of birth of a defect. The bmom wait until the child's 18 birthday to search.. imagine the pain, all her dreams of meeting a grown child dashed.. One very hard thing about closed adoption. The birthmother has no idea if her child is alive or dead. There is no obligation for the adoptive parents to ever try inform her if some happens to the child.

I know of one case where the child died before the adoption was final, within months of birth of a defect. The bmom wait until the child’s 18 birthday to search.. imagine the pain, all her dreams of meeting a grown child dashed..

]]> By: Theresa http://hoping.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/closed-adoption-pros-and-cons/comment-page-1#comment-510 Theresa Mon, 12 Mar 2007 18:56:28 +0000 http://hoping-to-ad.www.adoptionblogs.com/2007/03/12/closed-adoption-pros-and-cons#comment-510 When I read reasons for closed adoptions, I'm always interested to see that almost all of the reasons are about the adults - few are about the child.<br /> <br /> I rarely hear of reasons FOR closed adoptions that are about the child.<br /> <br /> We have one adoption that is open, but seems closed. There is no contact - for now. In this case, that is for the best interest of the children. However, it's left open and we know how to contact each other - and that is for when it IS in the best interest of the child. Even the fact that the child knows about this level of openness has been beneficial for the child. Maybe one day, bmom will be stable enough that she can reenter the child's life actively -- but again, at this point, that's more my (the adult's) dream than it is the child's.....<br /> <br /> Theresa When I read reasons for closed adoptions, I’m always interested to see that almost all of the reasons are about the adults – few are about the child.

I rarely hear of reasons FOR closed adoptions that are about the child.

We have one adoption that is open, but seems closed. There is no contact – for now. In this case, that is for the best interest of the children. However, it’s left open and we know how to contact each other – and that is for when it IS in the best interest of the child. Even the fact that the child knows about this level of openness has been beneficial for the child. Maybe one day, bmom will be stable enough that she can reenter the child’s life actively — but again, at this point, that’s more my (the adult’s) dream than it is the child’s…..

Theresa

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