If your adopted child decides that he wants to search for his birthparents, how will you feel about it? Will you support his decision to search? Or will you try to talk him out of searching? This was a difficult question for me to field when I was going through the home study process. It was hard to think about a conversation that might not even take place for twenty years.

If you choose to have an open adoption, then the issue of searching for birth family might not even be an issue. If your adopted child grows up having visits with his birth family, then there will (obviously) be no reason to search. However, if the adoption is closed or semi-open adoption, then your child will need to search if he wants to meet and establish a relationship with his birth family.

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If you feel uncomfortable with your child wanting to search for his birth family, how will you handle your discomfort? Will you show support outwardly while falling apart at home? Or will you actively try to discourage your child from searching? How will you feel if he chooses to search regardless of your opinion?

These are some heavy issues to consider, and it is important to think about them now, before you adopt a child. No matter how loving and bonded your relationship is with your adopted child, he might still feel the need to search for his birth family, and you are going to have to find a way to face this reality. This can be a tough pill to swallow, particularly for those of you who are new to considering adoption and feel "threatened" by the birth family.

I strongly encourage all hopeful adoptive parents to meet the expecting mother or birthmother before the adoption, if possible, so that you know what to expect if your child ever chooses to search. There are situations, such as in many international and foster adoptions, in which this is not possible. However, if you have the option, then take it. Whether you like the birth family or not, at least you will know what to expect.

I also suggest that you find a way to make peace with knowing that the birth family could become a part of your life when your child is grown. In some situations, this is a very good thing because your child benefits from having more people in his life who truly love him. In other situations, such as with abusive birth families or birth families with serious issues like addictions, the contact might not be such a good thing. Either way, your child is going to need you to celebrate with the good and to comfort him through the bad.

Related Blogs:

• Adoption Search blog



• Adoptee blog

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