During my series on Deciding to Adopt a Child, a reader left the following comment:

I also must figure out why I am not totally drawn to newborn adoptions at the moment. The stronger pull is to international and I'm not totally sure why. I'm not ruling out foster to adopt when I am more mature though. It's hard to raise children, but I think I will need an extra bit of strength and courage I don't have yet to really advocate for a child when I become a foster parent. I also feel it would be best for me to work at home as well, or obtain more money to give my foster children as much support as possible. It will involve, in my eyes, not being afraid to open my heart and home totally to a child knowing they will most likely leave me and I'm not totally ready for that yet... – Chromesthesia from Deciding to Adopt a Child: Can You Afford to Adopt?

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I think Chromesthesia is doing a great job analyzing how she feels about different types of adoption and being honest with herself about where her heart lies. As I pointed out in my Adoption Decisions series, the number of decisions that hopeful adoptive parents are asked to make can be overwhelming. There is not one type of adoption that is right for everyone. Each of us feels led to a different type of adoption, and that is okay. We should never judge one another for the type of adoption we choose. Instead, we should respect those who honestly assess what they are looking for and what they have to offer a child.

If you are not drawn to adopting newborns, then do not adopt one. Newborn adoption generally takes the longest, is very expensive, and is more likely to end in a failed situation than other forms of adoption. This is because agencies insist upon matching hopeful adoptive parents with pregnant women who cannot possibly know how difficult the decision to place will be until they hold the baby in their arms. See my post Adoption: Matching with the Placing Mother After Birth for more on this topic.

If you are not drawn to foster adoption, then do not do that, either. I have friends who have adopted from foster care, and that journey is a difficult one. Most children adopted out of foster care have special needs (particularly emotional needs), and you need to be prepared to parent a child with those issues. If you do not feel equipped to handle those special needs, then do not go that route.

I agree with Chromesthesia's comment about waiting to adopt out of foster care until she is more mature. Some people on a message board criticized me for adopting a newborn when there are older children waiting for homes in the foster care system. My response was that I had never even babysat a child, much less parented one, before I adopted my son. I did not feel equipped to handling parenting an older child at all, much less an older child with special needs. I had not ruled out adopting an older child later, after I had parenting experience, but I was not ready for my first child to be an older child.

If you feel drawn toward international adoption, then that is the way to go for you. I do not believe the pull is a coincidence. I believe that God/life has a plan for your family, and you are being drawn toward the child who is meant to be your forever child. I have learned to trust my intuition and follow where it leads me.

Related blogs:

• Foster Adoption Blog



• International Adoption Blog

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