Infant adoption, child adoption, domestic adoption

11/09/07

Does Race Matter in Adoption?

Posted by : Faith Allen in Hoping to Adopt Blog at 05:44 am , 454 words, 259 views
Categories: Race

When you are filling out your adoption application, you will be asked about the race of the child you are hoping to adopt. Does race matter? Should it?

In a perfect world, every child would have a home, and every child would be loved exactly as he is, regardless of race, gender, age, health, or any other factor. Unfortunately, we do not live in a perfect world, so we must ask ourselves these tough questions.

While non-adoptive parents might judge hopeful adoptive parents for making decisions about race, they really cannot understand the realities of choosing to adopt a child of a different race into your home. When you "make" a baby biologically, he is going to inherit some physical traits from you and some from his other parent. Even if the child has parents from two different races, he will inherit physical traits from both and look somewhat like at least one of his parents. That is not the case when you grow a family through adoption.

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Transracial families face issues that most families do not. This is just a reality of life. There are ignorant people who will treat your transracial family differently. Some people will not let the ignorance get to them and will have a very happy and successful transracial family despite the ignorance. For other families, the pressures will wear them down. You need to be very honest with yourself about how much the opinions of others matter to you.

If you choose to adopt transracially, you will need to learn things about the other race. For example, if you are a Caucasian woman who adopts an African-American daughter, you will need to learn how to take care of her hair. I have several friends who have shared humorous stories about learning the differences in how to care for hair that is very different from their own.

Also, if your family is transracial, particularly when you and your spouse are of the same race, the fact that your child was adopted is going to be obvious, which opens your family up to many more nosy questions than other adoptive families might hear. You will need to be prepared to answer those questions or to tell other people to bug off.

Transracial adoption is not for everyone, and you, as a hopeful adoptive parent, should feel no guilt if you decide that a transracial adoption is not for you. However, if you feel led toward transracial adoption, do not let the ignorant people of the world discourage you. I know many people who grew their families through transracial adoption and would not change a thing.

Comments, Pingbacks:

Comment from: Eric [Member]

· http://pandacurry.com

if you are a Caucasian woman who adopts an African-American daughter, you will need to learn how to take care of her hair.

What about us Dad's? and my boy's corn rows? :)

What I notice the most is when I'm with some of the kids - just me, I get looks like "wow look at that cool Dad that adopted those kids" But when the DW is out with some kids she gets the "wow look at that sleaze, how many guys did she sleep with" (we have a sib group of 6 with many shades and 2 pasty white bios).

And why does every woman at wal-mart want to touch my AA girls hair? I know it's their ignorant way of acknowledging our difference. It drives me nuts. I love their look when I ask I if can touch their hair.

Permalink 11/09/07 @ 10:12

Comment from: Faith Allen [Member]

· http://hoping.adoptionblogs.com/

You take care of your children's hair!?!! What a cool dad you are!! :0)

I hear the same thing from my Caucasian friends who adopted AA children. They get a lot of attention when they go out in public, doubly so if the AA daughter's hair is not fixed up.

- Faith

Permalink 11/09/07 @ 10:48

Comment from: Chromesthesia [Member]

I never understand harping on race, heritage is important and fascinating, stereotypes and the like are not.

Still, I would find it a bit odd at first if my child were white for some reason (through foster care, but there are a TON of babies abandoned in Romania and other places). I do not know why. As an African American I would think it less odd to end up with a child that is AA of course, an Asian child or of latin decent.
But, then I'd realize it doesn't matter totally and this is my child forever.
Those there would be a Greek Chorus of people making really stupid comments regardness of any ethnicity, race or the like.
But I'd have to be prepared with research, education and the like no matter what.
Maybe when it comes down to it it's about CHILDREN who need families and little else, but to ignore the important issues (that ar eto a certain degree more important to other people than me) would be naive and not healthy to a child.

Permalink 11/09/07 @ 19:49

Comment from: thomasina [Member]

I am a divorced female with grown biological children. I love being a mom more than anything and I think I'm good at it. So, when I finish my PhD next year, I'm thinking of adopting an abandoned or orphaned child who is five or six years old.
If there is such a thing as race, I guess I am a Caucasian. I am a Caucasian who would love a child of any race. My grown Caucasian children would, too, as they were taught to celebrate diversity in their growing up and had lots of friend who looked different than they did, ate different foods, celebrated different holidays, etc. However, my extended family is problematic. They would not love or accept a child of another race.
Part of me wants to say, who cares what they think. They live 500 miles away from me, I'm an adult, I can do what I want. However, that 5 or 6-year old child I propose to adopt, that child who has no doubt already experienced his/her fair share of rejection doesn't need to have a grandmother or great aunts and uncles who find him/her unacceptable and won't let him/her in their homes. I just can't hurt an already wounded child just to prove a point.
So, even though I don't want to do it, I see no choice but to make a racial choice when I go to adopt.

Permalink 11/11/07 @ 17:22

Comment from: Faith Allen [Member]

· http://hoping.adoptionblogs.com/

It really is a shame when unsupportive family members paint you into a corner. I think you are wise to consider this before proceeding w/an adoption.

Take care,

- Faith

Permalink 11/11/07 @ 17:30

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