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This post is part of a series on older child adoption in which I am applying things I learned from adopting a retired racing greyhound to hoping to adopt an older child. While there are obviously many differences, I learned a lot that can be useful in adopting an older child.
When we adopted our greyhound, the rescue told us he might grieve his old life for the first few days or weeks. The dog might not have much of an appetite for the first couple of days. He might also cry or whine at night. He had spent his entire life sleeping in a large room surrounded by other greyhounds in their crates, so sleeping in our house would be a huge change for him. Fortunately, our dog never lost his appetite, but he did do some whining during the first few days.
I did not fully appreciate the dog’s grief until we returned to the kennel for a greyhound activity. Greyhound rescues put together open houses and fundraisers, which many people attend along with their dogs. I worried at first about bringing our dog to one because I did not want him to think we were “returning” him. Instead, the dog was so incredibly happy to interact with other greyhound that it wound up being a very positive experience all around. He had such a great time with other greyhounds that I am considering adopting another one when our other dog “crosses the rainbow.”
Older adopted children are likely to experience grief when they first enter your home. This might surprise you because your home, including a forever family who loves the child, is such a great place to live, so why would your child be sad about leaving a foster home or orphanage behind? It is normal to grieve losses, and not every aspect of the former life was bad. Even children leaving behind abusive homes can grieve because of the few things that were positive.
Grieving is a good thing. The grieving process is how we make peace with the changes in our lives. Change is scary for many people, and children are no exception. It is normal for a child to experience feelings of loss as he leaves his “old life” behind. Rather than fight the grieving, embrace it. Educate your child (and yourself!) about the grieving process, and hold his hand through the process. The grieving process will help your child to make peace with his turbulent beginnings and free him to settle into your house as a member of your family.
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Photo credit: Rosanne Mooney
Grief is deeply sad, but it’s best to face it head on.
Yes, it is. If you do not grieve today, you wind up having to do it later. Grief does not just go away with the passage of time.
- Faith