This post is part of a series on older child adoption in which I am applying things I learned from adopting a retired racing greyhound to hoping to adopt an older child. While there are obviously many differences, I learned a lot that can be useful in adopting an older child.

I am a "by the book" kind of person. When we adopted our greyhound, I studied the advice that the rescue provided for the first few weeks, and I followed them to the letter. Meanwhile, my husband would much rather "wing it," which can drive me crazy.

The photo I posted is a picture of a poster I set up near the dog's crate to remind my husband of the rules for the new dog. Even the fluorescent color was not enough to grab his attention and get him to follow them. As a result, the dog got into a lot of mischief on his watch. At first, we argued quite a bit. Then, I decided just to put my foot down about the big things and then make hub responsible for the small things, like cleaning up the shredded crayons.

Do not be surprised if you run into similar issues with your spouse, particularly if you are adopting for the first time. No two people think exactly alike, and in most marriages, only one of you will have done most of the work educating yourself about how to help your child adjust to life in your new home. You will need to decide which things are worth fighting over and when you should just let it go.

When hub and I briefly considered adopting from Romania, I did some research about helping a child adjust to our new household. I remember reading that new adoptive parents need to be gentle with the new child. The author talked about how new adoptive dads will sometimes play too roughly with a new child, which can frighten the child and undermine the bonding process. These are the kinds of things you will want to research ahead of time and then communicate to your spouse. Unfortunately, if you have a spouse like mine, even a fluorescent poster might not do the trick.

I find it best to set a few ground rules on the most important issues and really drive them home. Then, I try to step back when it comes to the little things. Adoption, whether of a child or a dog, would be much easier if the adoptive parents were always in synch, but rarely will that happen. So, be prepared for a bit of head-butting, but stand firm on the issues that matter the most.

Related Blogs:

• Older Child Adoption blog


• International Adoption blog

Photo credit: Faith Allen