On my post, Adoption with an Unstable Marriage, Julia from the Parenting Children With Special Needs blog posted the following comment:

Several years ago I provided respite care for a teen girl in a preadopt home. The family ended up adopting her and her younger brother. She was in their church choir, maybe she still is. The parents got divorced after the adoption. I heard today that she gave birth recently, at 16. I can't help but wonder if her parents divorce and subsequent dating of new partners contributed to her pregnancy. – Julia at Adoption with an Unstable Marriage

A number of factors can influence teen pregnancy, but I tend to agree with Julia that the divorce could have factored into these circumstances. When a child is placed for adoption, she suffers a loss by being separated from her birth family. While many people believe that young children are not affected by the things that happen to them, science does not back up this belief. Just check out Nancy's Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) blog to see evidence to the contrary. Children develop RAD by abuse and neglect suffered by age three.

Babies bond with their mothers in the womb, and they experience loss when they are separated from the first person who they ever loved. While I believe there are many circumstances that justify this separation and loss, I do not discount the reality of there being a loss to be grieved.

If we assume that every adoptee has suffered a loss that he has had to grieve, then we must also assume that additional loss might be more of a challenge for an adoptee than for your average child. This would make the breaking up of a family through divorce even more difficult on an adopted child. Of course, not every adopted child whose parents divorce gets pregnant at 16, but I do believe that every child whose family breaks apart suffers and must grieve the loss.

As with adoption, I do not believe that all divorces are bad things. Sometimes the grief of a family splitting apart is a better alternative than a dysfunctional family staying together. That being said, we must still recognize that even the tearing apart of a dysfunctional family is a loss. When a child has already grieved the loss of a birthmother and then has had to grieve the loss of her parents, I can see where she will be much more vulnerable to becoming pregnant at 16.

This is why I believe every hopeful adoptive couple owes it to their adopted child only to proceed with an adoption if they are reasonably certain the marriage is stable. I realize there are no guarantees in life. However, to move forward with an adoption while your marriage is shaky is setting up your adopted child for additional heartache. We need to love our children enough to wait to adopt them until we can offer them stability.

Photo credit: Lynda Bernhardt