Until quite recently, a couple turning to adoption because they are unable or unwilling to utilize fertility treatments to conceive a mutually biological child also had to make peace with not experiencing pregnancy and childbirth. Today, it is possible to give birth to one’s adopted child. For some, this is the best of both worlds.
Adoption law does not extend to children until they are born, so there is some controversy over the terminology, with some preferring the phrase “embryo donation” over “embryo adoption”. However, since I believe that the fetal period of a human being’s life is simply our first stage of development, and that birth is merely a change of scenery, embryo adoption is the phrase that I prefer.
Some adoption agencies have jumped on the bandwagon of this newer opportunity by including embryo adoption as one of the programs that they offer, along with domestic newborn adoption and international programs. This means that all the same requirements for newborn or older child adoption – such as homestudies and background checks – are also required for a couple to adopt embryos from them.
However, since the law does not see this arrangement as “adoption”, there are informal ways to adopt embryos directly from donors or clinics. In this case, there is no homestudy or background check – simply the medical preparation to transfer the embryos into the adoptive mother’s uterus at the opportune time. In some instances, a legal contract between the donor and recipient families is required. Some couples even travel to adopt/transfer their embryos, sometimes even internationally.
Embryo adoption can be either open or closed, depending on the source of the match. Many donors who want to find their own recipients want to maintain some level of openness with the adoptive family. On the other hand, many other donors simply want to give their embryo children a chance to continue their lives and at the same time help another infertile couple and they are not interested in knowing what becomes of the embryos.
The cost can vary depending on how many attempts it takes for a couple to bring home a baby. Therefore, risk is a big factor, since not every embryo will continue to grow after transfer. Yet many couples are willing to take the risk for the chance to experience pregnancy and childbirth, something no other type of adoption allows.
Two important factors make this an adoption. First, embryos are no longer reproductive gametes, but uniquely merged entities that, with time and the proper environment, will grow into nothing other than a human adult. For those who share my view of when human life begins (in the beginning, ie conception!), embryo adoption becomes just one of the various types of adoption to choose from. Just like with the other types of adoption, different families may have different priorities and preferences when it comes to which children are good matches for their families.
Second, once an adopted embryo is a newborn baby, there is very little that is different in terms of how adoptive parenting applies to their relationship with their parents. For this reason, it’s important for adoptive parenting resources to be available to those who adopt at the embryo stage of development.
Embryo adoption, newborn adoption, older child adoption – in the larger scheme of things, all that matters is that in each situation, a child is in need of a loving home, and a family steps in to provide what is needed.
First, and let me start out by saying that I think embryo donation is the most amazing gift and a wonderful option for family building. And I think adoption is equally amazing and it is a true gift to be selected to parent a child through adoption.
Respectfully, I’d like to raise another concept that I think is often overlooked in the language being used for donated embryos. For the purpose of this discussion, let’s take the “conception begins at xxx” factor out of the conversation for just a moment and focus on something else that I think is more important.
I believe that the term embryo adoption is disrespectful and dismissive of at least two members of the adoption triad. What birth parents go through in making the difficult decision to place a child for adoption, is not to be taken lightly. Unlike a person choosing to donate embryos (typically under no time pressure or duress of an impending birth), birth parents are making a very difficult decision under great pressure and stress about parenting or adoption – typically while the child is growing in their body. I doubt that a birth mother would feel like she is “just like” the woman who chose to donate her embryos. I am not diminishing the angst that goes into making a choice to donate embryos – but it is a far different emotional situation than typical infant adoptions, and based on my experience, families choosing to donate embryos typically don’t experience the same type of angst and ongoing grief about their choice as many birth parents often do.
Additionally, as an adoptee myself, I think the term embryo adoption is also somewhat dismissive of adoptees feelings. Being separated at birth from the woman who carried me in her body for 9 months and gave birth to me does not in any way make me feel similar kinship to a child who was born through embryo donation. A child of embryo donation is born into to the family who will parent them (and with the benefit of epigenetics, the expression of genes influenced by the mother carrying the child) then add that the child is likely being very much wanted and longed for from before the embryo was even received or transferred, and it is a very different scenario. In my opinion, that just doesn’t compare to the experience in utero of a fetus growing in a woman typically in a crisis pregnancy that may not have been planned and who is tremendously stressed and deciding whether to parent or place for adoption. Experts are mixed in their opinions of how much the fetus/baby is impacted by the pregnant woman being under stress and then being removed immediately after birth – but surely we can agree it can’t be an ideal scenario regardless of how amazing the adoptive family my be.
So, although there may be some similarities between embryo donation and adoption in that children are being parented by adults who don’t share their DNA, I think there are far more differences. I see more similarities between embryo donation and other third party reproduction (double donor IVF or even egg or sperm donors – where one or both sets of DNA were donated). Again, in all of these scenarios, the child was very much wanted from before they were transferred into the uterus and the parents were likely moving heaven and earth to be parents, it is simply a means of how they got there. But that intention and desire to be parents is far different from a crisis, unplanned pregnancy.
I don’t take so much issue with families who elect to talk to their children about embryo donation using the language of adoption – how they want to present their family to the world is their business. My frustration is with industry professionals and the organizations who are exploiting the term adoption to make this into an industry for financial gain.
I believe that the term “embryo adoption” is being used by organizations simply as a marketing gimmick. Adding the term “adoption” is a way to appeal to broad groups of people wanting a child (who might not be considering assisted reproductive technologies) and allows them to promote it as having the added benefit of also being a good deed at the same time with a “save the frozen embryos from a freezer” appeal. Sometimes, they even add the “orphan” label, which is also terribly insulting. Really, I think that it is just a way to make lots of money off of families desperately wanting to be parents. In the US today, there simply is no huge excess of available frozen embryos already donated and waiting for families – in most clinic based embryo donation programs or private matching services there are months long waiting lists for embryos – people truly wait years for the chance of receiving donated embryos (that themselves statistically give them about a 25 – 40% chance of a live birth). Perhaps in trying to create an “embryo adoption” industry that allows them to add middle man and third party costs that are unnecessary, the organizations advertising this have created demand for embryos that are in short supply, rather than having a significant impact on influencing families with remaining embryos to donate them to another family.
For these reasons, I prefer language for this new form of family building (involving donation of embryos) that doesn’t imply that this is “just like an infant adoption”. Maybe embryo donation isn’t the right language, but surely our society can come up with language that is respectful and celebrates the uniqueness of the beautiful thing that is embryo donation.
Thank you for your feedback. I appreciate that this is a subject that is bound to ruffle feathers. And I totally agree with you that there are definitely organizations out there that are capitalizing on embryo donation by utilizing the term “adoption”.
Having said that, the only thing that concerns me is that a child is a child, no matter how small. Now, you may disagree with me on that matter, but this is where I’m coming from. If I didn’t believe that life begins at conception, then I wouldn’t be equating embryos with newborns (or any children), and therefore, I wouldn’t be talking about adoption.
We need to give it a little more time so that those born through the process of embryo donation/adoption are old enough to speak for themselves of their own experiences. They can very well feel a sense of abandonment by the genetic parents who created them and then didn’t come back for them.
And while I agree with you that the time constraints are obviously very different for a placing pregnant mother and a genetic parent donating their embryos, the emotional considerations remain the same – there will be a child “out there” whom the parents will not parent.
Likewise, a child adopted at any age or stage of development is equally longed for by their adoptive family. To say that this is true of embryo adoption but not newborn/older child adoption is to ignore the heartache and long suffering of many adoptive parents who wait patiently for their turn at parenthood.
I don’t think taking away the term “adoption” makes the challenges of people adopted at birth any easier than if we were to take away the term from newborn adoption to make school-aged children feel better about the more severe obstacles that they have to go through than do those taken home at birth.
Adoption is a bittersweet situation, no matter the age of the child at the time they enter their adoptive family. I hope we can all respect the experiences of others without projecting our own experiences on them.
It is not only Embryo Adoption Programs the use the word adoption, some fertility clinics with Embryo Donation programs refer to the program as an Embryo Adoption. This is because the individuals using embryo donation to build their families, or those who choose to donate their embryos, instinctively understand the social and emotional dynamic is the same as that of a legal adoption. A child is being raised by parents to whom they are not genetically connected. Embryo Adoption programs apply the best practices of adoption to the process, learned through years of research to the process of embryo donation, and they are non-profit.
I think to avoid the connection between this medical procedure and the field of social work is also somewhat deceiving. In other words, if you try to convince people that embryo donation is JUST a medical procedure, without also helping them to reflect upon the ways that it will impact the emotional well-being of their children and the other families involved and society at large, is also deceiving. There is a connection between the field of social work and embryo donation which ART clinics readily admit to because they require 3rd party donors and often recipients to undergo visits with a social worker. This is not an intentional deceit; I don’t think anyone desires to intentionally deceive. It is perhaps a case of being misguided and overlooking a strong connection which really is there. This is a strong connection which the many people know is there, intuitively. That is why individuals came to agencies requesting Embryo Adoption and joined these two fields together.