When you are going through the adoption process, you have very little control over the factors involved. In many cases, either the placing mother or a facilitator chooses who will become your child. You have no control over which child you adopt or when you will adopt. You have no control over the cost. For those of you who chose adoption after struggling with infertility, you also have no control over your own body to “make” a baby. That’s hard, particularly for “control freaks” like me. Lack of control can lead you to feel despair, which is a terrible emotional state to experience.

In some ways, despair is the opposite of anger. When you are angry, you have a lot of excess energy seeking to do something. When you experience despair, you shut down emotionally. You reach a place where you think, “What’s the point? No matter what I do or how hard I try, it won’t make a difference.”

The antidote to despair is hope. You can find hope by reading the stories of people who have been where you are now. Even though it seems like you will be waiting forever, you won’t. I thought that my waiting period would never come to an end, but it did. I have now been a mother for over six years, and motherhood was worth the wait. You can read my story starting with Making the Decision to Adopt. You will see that I was once where you are now. I had the same concerns, doubts, and struggles. I worried that we would never be matched, but we were. After numerous placing mothers “rejected us” by choosing other adoptive parents, our son’s then-placing mother saw our profile and got very excited.

It is easy to allow yourself to fall into despair, especially with Mother’s Day approaching. You need to find the strength to fight back. Tap into your faith if you are a religious person. Talk to adoptive parents that you know off-line, or read up on adoption stories on-line. Find a way to hold onto hope when the dark clouds of despair are looming.

Related Topics:

• Building Your Faith


• Russian Adoption: How To Wait Without Losing Your Sanity


• Emotions of Adoption Series