My son and I were cuddling before bedtime, and we were playing a little game of ours. I will ask, “Who is my favorite kid in the world?,” and he will say, “Me!” I ran through a bunch of questions, such as:

• Who is my favorite kindergartener?


• Who is my favorite boy?


• Who is my favorite hugger?

His response to each question was, “Me! Me! Me!”

Then, I told him how much I love him and that I am so happy that I am his mommy. I said that I was so lucky that God gave him to me to be his mom. (I usually say “brought you into my life,” but for some reason I said “gave” this time.) To this, my son replied, “No, mommy. First God gave me to T [his birthmother] and then T gave me to you.” I was so touched by this that I had to write about it.

My son is only 6 years old, and yet he already has a very healthy view of his adoption. He knows who his birthmother is, even though he has not seen her since he was 2 days old. He knows her name, and he knows the role she has in his life. He knows that she chose us to parent him. He perceives that T was blessed to have him enter her life and that I am now blessed because T chose me to be his mother. Those are some amazing concepts for a 6-year-old child to grasp.

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We have always talked to our son about his adoption. This is not an everyday conversation, but we do talk about it here and there. We answer his questions honestly, and we bring up the topic every few months when it is appropriate (such as when I am putting a package together for his birthmother). My son has always known that he was adopted. He will never have a “moment” where he “discovers” this big “secret” about his life. We are very open about it and willing to talk about any adoption-related questions (or any questions, for that matter) that he presents. As my son’s comment shows, even a young child can grasp the basic concepts of adoption and see it as a part of his life – not something that rocks his world but simply an understanding of how he came to join his family.

As a hopeful adoptive parent, your social worker will probably ask you, as part of your home study, how you plan to talk to your child about his adoption. I hope that you will consider the open and honest approach that we have taken with my son. As you can see from my son’s comment, talking with a child about his adoption from the very beginning can make his adoption simply a fact of his life – an awareness that he has always “known.”

Related Links:

• Adoptees and Adoptive Parents



• Talking Openly with Adopted Children About Being Adopted Part 1



• Talking Openly with Adopted Children About Being Adopted Part 2



• Tips On Talking To Children About Adoption



• An Introduction Via a Bomb With No Boom… Part I



• A Bomb With No Boom… Part II