A reader e-mailed me and asked if I would share more about my personal story with our home study. I am working through a series about each of the interviews we had as part of the home study process.

Our social worker, C, wanted to make sure that our marriage was stable. Also, she needed to get know enough about us to be able to talk intelligently about us with an expecting mother. So, she asked us lots of questions about our history together as a married couple.

We talked about how we met and our dating years. We discussed our hobbies, both what we liked to do together and what we enjoyed doing individually.

C asked us about how we handled conflict. If we reached an impasse, then how did we make a decision about what to do next? C asked whether we yelled at each other when we disagreed. She also wanted to know how frequently we had conflicts.

C also asked us quite a bit about our daily lives and then asked how adding a baby would change all of that. Would we still go out as a couple, or would we bring the baby along? She talked to us about the importance of nurturing our marriage after the baby came. She also asked about whom would baby-sit while we went out as a couple.

Of course, at that time, all I cared about was adopting a baby. I did not worry about things like going out on dates without the child or who would watch him. Those concerns seemed so far away. I just wanted to make sure we were approved to adopt and that I would have a baby in my arms.

I do not think I really heard C and all that she was trying to tell us. As an experienced mother, I get it now. It is important to nurture each relationship in your family, and when you only have one child, it is very easy to lose the one-on-one time with your spouse. It is easy enough to bring the child along and rarely go out as a couple any longer. So, I wish I had paid closer attention to some of the advice that C had for us.

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Photo credit: Lynda Bernhardt