From How to Prepare for a Home Study:

10. Relax

Believe it or not, this step is probably the hardest one of all. Your life is about to be scrutinized from the past to the present and even into the future (when considering how you will feel if your 21-year-old child chooses to search for his birthfamily). The social worker has the “power” to deny you the ability to adopt a child through this agency. So, how can you possibly relax?

Nurture Your Body

First, remember to breathe. Each time you get yourself worked up over the home study process, take several slow, deep breaths. This will help you to ground yourself.

As I pointed out in Surviving the Wait: Taking Care of Your Body, you can help manage your emotional state by nurturing your body through getting enough sleep, exercising, and doing yoga and meditation. The home study is going to be a stressful time, so be sure to nurture your body. As you nurture your body, you will help yourself to relax.

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The adoption process is not for the faint of heart. It is a grueling process, and you would not be putting yourself through it if you were not confident that you would be a good parent. So, lean on this confidence to get you through the process.

You know that you will love your child with your entire heart. Help the social worker to see this confidence. Trust that the social worker has experience in evaluating hopeful adoptive parents. As she sees your confidence in your own abilities, she will grow confident as well.

Trust that Things Will Work Out as They Should

Even though life throws us setbacks, I firmly believe that our lives ultimately work out the way that they are supposed to. Some people rely on their faith for this; others rely on the ebb and flow of the forces in life. Regardless of what you lean on, find a way to trust that things are going to work out the way that they should. If you are destined to be a parent, then nothing is going to prevent that from happening.

Remember that the Social Worker Wants to Approve You

Ultimately, your being approved to adopt works out better for everyone. It’s less hassle, and it results in more money to the agency in a private adoption, so a social worker is not looking for an excuse to reject you. This is not to say that a social worker is going to “rubber stamp” you – nor should she. Instead, it means that you don’t have to be paranoid that seeing one speck of dust in your house will get you rejected as an adoptive parent.

View the Social Worker as Your Ally

I did not see our social worker as an ally when I went through the home study process. However, now that I look back on the process, I see that she was instrumental in helping me to think through many issues that I probably would not have thought about otherwise. I really believe that all parents could benefit from a home study – not to rule anyone out as a parent but to help each new parent to think through parenting issues that can arise.

When my son was a baby, my friends with babies the same age were surprised by how many issues I had already thought about, such as how to discipline a child. I owe this to the home study process.

• Completing the Home Study




• Home Study




• Encyclopedia of Adoption: Home Study




• Home Study




• 10 Things You Want To Know Before Doing Your Homestudy