In my last post, "Perfect" Adopted Child and "Perfect" Adoptive Parent, I addressed some comments posted by Erin on my blog. I would like to address another issue that she raises in this excerpt:

Too often, I see parents choosing a child because they are cute and as young as possible and parents who want a child who will be highly intelligent with no medical, developmental, or behavioral needs. – Erin from Adopted Children Come with No Warranty

In my last post, I talked about the importance of making sure you are a good match for your child. I believe that having access to a child's health history is an important part of ensuring that you will have what it takes to parent a child who is at a higher risk of developing a particular special need. However, Erin's comment raises a valid point that needs to be addressed – hoping to adopt a child who is cute.

There is nothing wrong with adopting a cute child. In my opinion, my little guy is the cutest child on the planet. Of course, I might be a bit biased. However, I did not choose to adopt him because of his "cuteness." His expecting mother chose my husband and me to adopt her baby while she was still pregnant, and we agreed to the match before we even knew what she looked like. My son could have had big purple splotches all over his body, and I would have thought he was the most beautiful baby ever because he was my baby.

However, Erin is correct that some hopeful adoptive couples use "cuteness" as a criterion for adopting. The television show Desperate Housewives spotlighted this when Gabrielle insisted that she only wanted to adopt a pretty baby. How cute a child is needs to take a back seat when deciding which child to adopt. All children are precious, and even one who is not "model quality" can still become the most beautiful child to loving parents.

As I am sure Nancy, our Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) blogger, can tell you, there are some very cute children with RAD who can make your life a living h#$%. A child's appearance is only part of the package. It is who the child is inside that matters.

When you are choosing a child to adopt, your focus needs to be on whether you and the child would be a good match as a family. The child's physical appearance falls low on the list of compatibility issues.

If you truly cannot love a child who is less than physically attractive, then do not adopt the child. All children deserve to be loved wholeheartedly by their parents. However, if the only thing standing between you and a child who sounds likes a perfect match is the child's physical appearance, you might want to do some soul-searching about your own values.

Related Topics:

• Raising a Less Physically Attractive Adopted Child



• Who You Callin' Ugly?

Photo credit: Lynda Bernhardt