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What are or were your biggest challenges in adopting? The answer to this question will probably be different for different people. Here are the five biggest challenges that I hear the most frequently from adoptive parents.
With most (non-foster) adoptions running in the five-figures, it is a wonder that anyone can adopt. Adoption is incredibly expensive, which presents a challenge to most couples. While there are a lucky (blessed?) few who can simply write a check, most couples need to do some sort of fundraising or take out a loan in order to be able to adopt.
For some people, the lack of privacy during the home study is the biggest challenge. No secrets are allowed when you are being evaluated. You must share personal things like your finances, and even your reasons for entering into therapy do not stay confidential.
Many couples are not in synch when it comes to adopting. I generally hear about the wife who is ready to adopt now while the husband drags his feet. However, there are situations where this is reversed. In other cases, both want to adopt, but only one (again, typically the wife but not always) does the work. This can cause a lot of bitterness and arguments.
Many hopeful adoptive couples have people in lives (generally relatives) who are not supportive of their decision to adopt. More unsupportive people tend to crawl out of the woodwork whenever the adoption is anything other than a closed adoption of a healthy newborn of the same race.
Many people do not decide to adopt a child until they have tried to conceive a baby and then have undergone fertility treatments. So, by the time they begin the adoption process, they want a child now. No matter what route you take, an adoption is going to take some time. Waiting for your child to join your home can be one of the most difficult parts of the adoption process.
With such daunting challenges, why do we move forward with our adoptions? Because we know that on the other side of the process awaits our forever child. Whether that child is a tiny newborn or a hurting teenager, our nests are ready and waiting for our precious additions to our families. All of these challenges are part of the process that leads us to our children – our adoptive “labor pains.”
Photo credit: Faith Allen
So true. I was just thinking about the challenges of adoption today.
Even just deciding what kind of adoption on ewants is hard even if you already know what you want to do, there’s still a Greek chorus of critical people to consider…
The homestudy process continues to frighten me.
The home study is grueling, but it probably is not as bad as you fear. I think you will be well-prepared by the time it comes.
- Faith